Trying to convince your ex to come back by focusing too much on the (unknown and unpredictable) future is a mistake. It’s a mistake because it just doesn’t work. But more importantly, it’s a mistake because the best way of making sure the future is taken care of, is by taking good care of the present — of NOW.
Whenever I get to this point with my clients, the next question I’m often asked is “But how does one take care of the present if you are not together?”
On the surface this sounds like a reasonable and legitimate question. I’m HERE but my ex is NOT HERE… so how does this “being present” (HERE) thing happen?
The answer is, it doesn’t happen. It doesn’t happen because the PRESENT is not some state that we enter, or has to be achieved. That’s why you find that the more you try to “be present” in the moment, the more elusive “the PRESENT” is.
It’s actually much simpler.
Being present simply means to fully experience something (the pleasant, the not-so-pleasant, and the unpleasant) as it unfolds. The emphasis is on “fully”. Fully (aware, attentive, engaged and appreciative of the moment and it’s unfolding) is what makes it BE-ING in the present.
In the context of attracting back your ex, it means paying attention to the cues your ex is giving, taking advantage of any and all opportunities, and appreciating where things are at the moment — and as they unfold.
If you are in the initial stages of contact for example, it means being thankful for whatever amount of contact you have and making the best of it. It doesn’t mean you should not try to increase the amount of contact and quality of communication between the two of you. It means you do everything you can to increase the amount of contact and quality of communication, but instead of complaining, wishing things were different, or trying to rush things to the next stage, you accept all outcomes and work your next move based on what’s in front of you NOW. Not how things were in the past or how you wish they were, but how they ARE now.
And if you are out on a date, being present means doing everything you can to make it the best date ever, instead of trying to recreate the past or be too concerned with your future needs and agenda.
It’s my hope that after reading both parts of this article, you will change the way you are trying to get back your ex. You will stop focusing too much on the past or too much in the future, and miss the opportunities to take advantage of the PRESENT.
Remember, if you take good care of the present, the future will take care of itself.