My Ex Wants Space But Responds To Texts

Question: I have been trying to get back my ex for the last 4 months. He responds and sometimes initiates contact. We are okay for a couple of days or weeks, then he tells me he wants space. But after 3 days I contact him again and he responds. I am confused, why does he tell me he needs space but continues to respond?

Yangki’s Answer: Most of the time when an ex asks for time/space, they are not necessarily asking you not to contact them. They want you to back off from trying to get them back, stop putting pressure, stop being needy, stop fighting – or whatever it is that they want you to stop doing. It doesn’t always mean they want you to go away.

My advice is next time he he says he wants space, ask him what he means. You might be surprised that all he means is to stop over-contact, stop acting needy, stop bringing up the old  relationship, stop starting fights, or stop asking about getting back together etc.

Asking your ex what he or she means helps clarify things. If he says he needs no-contact, ask him if he wants you to completely stop contacting him, and for how long. If he says he just needs time to figure things out, ask him how much time he needs so you can respect his wish.

The point is to make sure you are both on the same page on what he means by “he needs space” – so that you can respect his boundaries.

Related articles: Understanding Your Avoidant Ex

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  1. says: Hana

    After reading your site for a couple of days, I bought your Dating Ex book. I read only a few pages and quickly realized I have been going about this the wrong way. We were at a point where I pushed him hard and he had built a wall of resistance. He wanted me to stop contacting him. I have started to employ the advice in your book and there has been a remarkable change in only two days. He now says he still loves me but doesn’t think we can work. But he also wants to be friends and not closing the door to possibly getting back together in the future. I will continue to follow your advice and try to show him that we can work. I just wanted to say, thank you, your book saved what was left of my relationship.