Everyone who wants their ex back thinks that they should be able to get their ex back– and they should be. But not everyone gets their ex back.
One will say this is a “stupid” statement coming from someone who has written and is selling a “get your ex back” book, but it’s a fact that not everyone will get their ex back.
Sometimes a relationship is damaged beyond repair and nothing you do will change your ex’s mind. But most of the time — at least from my experience — many people don’t get their ex back because they jump into trying to get their ex back when they are not emotionally ready for what it takes to get one’s ex back.
I’ve said it elsewhere and will say it again, getting your ex back is no child’s play. It’s not something for the weak-hearted and certainly not something for the emotionally immature and emotionally ill prepared.
It takes a lot of personal work to get yourself into a place where you can even begin trying to get your ex back. The work needed to be ready to get one’s ex back depends on each individual and each relationship. However, there are some common signs that one is not remotely ready — and there fore shouldn’t even be trying to actively get their ex back.
1. You don’t think the break-up should have happened — and doing everything you can to “reverse” it or go back to how things used to be. This is a clear sign you have not ‘accepted” your reality and are operating from denial or alternative reality.
2. Your emotions are still erratic — excited and optimistic one moment and depressed and hopeless the next. This is a signal that you need to make peace with yourself first before you can make peace with your ex.
3. You still feel like the “victim” of the break-up and act like it — calling your ex names and talk-trashing him/her to anyone who will listen. You even become instant BFF and feel a strong connection to people who support and encourage your “victim” mentality and attitude.
4. You’re at war in your mind — one part of you says you should move on and the other part says you should try to get your ex back. A mind at war with itself can’t come up with any new or creative ideas. It’s so busy fighting itself.
5. You still haven’t taken responsibility for your role in the demise of the relationship and/or blaming your ex, someone or something else for the break-up.
6. You talk a good game about what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown as a result of the break-up, but haven’t really done anything noticeable to change.
7. You’re still trying to make things happen on your terms and in your time. In other words, you’re still into power-struggle games. Anytime you operate on “my way or no way”, you end up with “NO WAY!”
8. You’re in a rebound relationship because you are upset with your ex, but your heart is not really in it. You want your ex back but using the rebound relationship to make them jealous and want you back.
Until you fix the above, you will never get back together. Trying to get your ex back when you’re not emotionally ready and/or changed nothing that would reassure your ex that things can and will be different will potentially destroy even the chance you had to begin with.
You need to work on becoming emotionally ready and take real action to change in order to increase your chances of getting back together. Working on yourself does not mean you should avoid your ex because you are not “‘ready”, maintain some form of contact, re-establish connection and try rebuilding the emotional bond you had, but do not try to ACTIVELY get him/her back until you have resolved all the 8 things listed above.
It may seem hard. but these are things that are fixable, if you put into them as much effort as you are putting about worrying about how often you contact your ex or if you are doing/saying the right things.
Good luck — it’s not easy, but it’s possible!