Is Your Love Life Dead Or Alive?

love-life-dead-or-aliveScience says that because we breathe, we think, we feel, we grow, metabolize, can move, and are capable of reproduction that we are living beings, but our lives (especially our love lives) tend to tell a different story. In fact, what’s going on in our lives tells a story of what is going on in our relationships.

See if you can figure out where you are on the Aliveness Index:


When you are in the DEAD zone you’ll know it. Most of your important needs are not being met and you are suffering with the knowledge that you are living a life that you don’t want and does not reflect who you truly are. You may even have it all (money, career, family, friends) but still feel “soul starved,” “overwhelmed,” “burned-out” or “beaten up” by life. You have no energy most of the time and feel depressed, angry and worthless. You feel stuck, stifled and bored to death. You’ve basically lost any sense of genuine excitement for life and have numbed or tuned out. You’re having a walking-dead experience – but may be don’t even know it.


When you are in the STRUGGLING zone, you are like most people, sleepwalking in the matrix with very few of your needs met and doing the same thing today that you did yesterday. You make decisions based solely on habit, tradition, obligation, responsibility or the expectations of others. You sense that you are not living the life you were meant to live and that there is much more to life than you are now experiencing but you feel that the life you long for is just a dream out of your reach. You keep telling yourself “one day I’ll get myself out of this nightmare of a life” and even know what you need to do, but just not doing it. Everything seems so hard — life sucks!


When you are in the AWAKENING zone, your sort of awake but not fully woken up. You have a pretty good idea of what you want in life and most of your needs are being met. You fully understand that with some insightful and independent support you can get more of the kind of life you want and deserve. And you see that anything is possible and are quite happy with who you are becoming. But you also waste quite a bit of time swinging from kicking your own ass for wasting so much time in the past or for having been naive or foolish to trying to understand the why behind everything and back to kicking your own ass. Being so hard on yourself and living in your head is preventing you from truly opening up to the fullness of just being alive.


You are living a conscious life that honors who you are and fully reflects the values and aspirations most important to you. You feel fully connected to those you love, fully engaged to life itself and are living a life that is an expression of human warmth and beauty of the inner and outer self. You have exceptional wisdom and foresight that helps you meet life’s challenges head on and with candor, wit, healthy vulnerability and confidence. And although your life is overflowing with peace, joy, gratitude, serenity, happiness and love, you understand the value of routinely investing in yourself because you know that there is no limit to the abundance of life (but again, you already knew that).

Now, just how alive are you? Hmm?

More from Love Doctor Yangki Akiteng
Are You Reacting Or Responding to Your Ex?
We all have learned behaviours that we tend to fall back to...
Read More
6 replies on “Is Your Love Life Dead Or Alive?”
  1. says: Shefflad

    Im indeed focused on myself and the self pity that life is not fair to general am a good person but i get angry and jump to conclusions very fast ..i hurted the most person i love in this world so much and i said things i couldnt myslef imagine saying to anyone in this world..i broke her heart and it looks i broke myself too .. i feel i lost my world and my inner peace.. she left me because she couldnt take my behaviour with her .. this is not normal yanki to a man to feel a woman left him and feel so weak this even make me more angry that i should be a man and just move on..but she is like a virus in my head..maybe that is why i spend alot of time on your blog trying to learn things..but am walking dead !! i focus on her alot now that i lost everything in my world and i lost her

    1. My bad… I didn’t realize the feeling dead inside was about losing your ex. The article is about people who generally feel like “walking dead” not for any specific reason, experience or event. I was responding to you with that in mind. That’s what happens when people are not direct in their communication…

      What you are going through is normal (and natural). Almost everyone feels that way when a valued relationship ends. You just have to work on accepting that things are different now. It takes time and effort… but it does get better.

  2. says: Shefflad

    funny enough i did.. i went to councelling and done CBT for 6 months.. talking to professionals did help a bit but nothing seems is changing.The problem i cant afford to go to private help i m trying books but i even lost interests in reading those books as well..thank you though for your valuable advise ,it is a heart warming to know some people still do care in this world..thanks again

    1. Sorry to hear nothing worked –and sorry I can’t be of more help. This is not my field of expertise.

      Something I know from growing up in Africa is that when you feel dead inside, it’s a sign that you are too focused on yourself and your circumstances. You are not generously sharing yourself (spirit, soul whatever you want to call it) with the rest of humanity. Taking the attention off yourself or your circumstances for a while and focusing it on a greater good, something outside of yourself, something with no expectation of reward — not even a “thank you” helps you expand outwards instead of contracting inwards. Something to think about… may be even try.

  3. says: Shefflad

    Im walking dead… would love to be in the fully alive zone..but seems don’t know how to do it.. im readign books ,attending seminars and listening to people but there is still something dead in me.. i wish i can wake myself up.. do you have any suggestions ? please help if you could..

    1. Have you tried talking to a trained professional? Self-help though very effective in most situations does not always work in every situations. I don’t think a reply on a blog will help you. You need to talk to someone (a therapist, spiritual mentor etc) who will help you understand why you feel dead inside and what you can do to change it. Please talk to someone… please!

Leave a comment

Comments are closed.