You Are NOT Needy, Your Partner IS Insensitive

Many of us do not know that we are needy and clingy, let alone can accept that we are. If anyone even remotely suggests that we are needy or clingy, we get defensive about it.

But if your desire to get closer to someone only makes the other person want distance, chances are you are needy and clingy. You may not be needy all the time and to all people, but needy and clingy with that particular person.

However, there are times when one is called needy or clingy, but a closer look at the relationship reveals that the problems in the relationship have little to do with one being needy, and everything to do with being with an inconsiderate and insensitive boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or spouse.

This will sound very familiar to some of you. You have plans to go hang out later in the evening, your boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or spouse says he/she will meet you, come over or pick you up at 8 p.m. You get ready and all pumped up, but 8 p.m. comes and he/she is no show. It’s 8.15 p.m., you give him/her a call, he/she doesn’t answer. So you send him/her a text but two hours later still no word from him/her. You call again, and finally get through, and his/her response is, “something came up” or “I went out with my friends” or “I fell asleep” or “I can do what I want.”

Now you are really ticked off. You tell him/her that he /she should have at least called or texted and let you know that plans had changed. But instead of apologizing he/her responds by calling you “needy” or “clingy!”

He/she changed plans without telling you, and somehow it is your fault for asking for some sensitivity and respect?

Genuine reactions to inconsiderate and insensitive actions and/or habits should not be dismissed as irrational, needy or clingy.

1. It is NEEDY, clingy and/or controlling when you expect someone not to have any change of plans or not have a life of his/her own where you are not involved.

It is NOT needy or over-reacting to ask that someone respect you enough to tell you when a change in their plans affects you.

2. It is NEEDY to keep telling someone over and over how much you love and care about him/her (with the hope that he/she’ll return the gesture).

It is NOT needy to tell someone you love them or how you feel about them.

3. It is NEEDY to send a text or call someone just to reassure yourself that they are thinking of you, want to be with you, or care about you.

It is NOT needy to send a text or call to let the other person know that you are thinking of them, or ask how their day has been.

4. It is NEEDY, clingy and/or controlling to insist that someone spend more time with you than he/she is willing to, or wants to.

It is NOT needy or controlling to point out that someone spends more time with one of his/her friends than he/she does with you.

5. It is NEEDY and clingy to force emotional closeness when your boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or spouse doesn’t want it.

It is NOT needy and controlling to get upset when someone dismisses your feelings or shoves your need for healthy communication back into your face.

So next time you are accused of being too sensitive or think that you are being needy and clingy, do yourself a favour and reflect on it. May be it’s not you.

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  • Thank you for a great article. If you are with a sensitive partner, it is always best to say how you feel without making it seem like you are blaming them for how you feel. Someone who cares for you will care about your feelings.

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