Question: We broke up for the 4th time 4 months ago. Her main problem was that I did not have a job and I drunk a lot. I’ve since found a stable job that pays well, I have a new apartment and don’t go out that much anymore. We stayed friends after we broke up and see each other 2 -3 times a week. She flirts with me and kisses my forehead when we are together. We have also slept together a few times but doesn’t think her heart can take any more breaking up. I told her I am not giving up on us. Why does she flirt with me and show all signs she’s still attracted to me but does not want to get back together? What can I do to make her change her mind? Please help me.
Yangki’s Answer: She’s showing she’s still attracted to you because sexual attraction does not always end with the end of a relationship.
My take on it is that she’s considered getting back together but given your history of breaking up, she has reservations – and rightly so. Given that you have worked on the main reasons for the breakup, she seems torn between her fears from the past and her hopes for the future.
I suggest asking her to “test drive” the new relationship for a period you can both agree on (1 month, 2 or 3). If she’s open to this, your task is to do a complete do over of everything right from the start. You can use this site or my book “Dating Your Ex” to help you do things right.
If there are other “issues”, make sure you know what they are and have real sound solutions as to how you’re going to handle things differently, including how you act and react to “problem” subjects. She has to see that not only do you get it, but that it’s going to be better this time around otherwise the “test drive” will fail and with it your chance of ever getting her back. It’s not easy, but it can be done!