When your ex asks to meet or see you, that’s a big deal. But if your ex wants to text but not meet, something is going on.
You re-established some form of contact and your ex is responding to your texts. It’s not clear if it’s a sign they want you back, but since they’re not blowing you off, you think… well… maybe I have a chance.
A week may be two go by, and you think, why not ask my ex out. Nothing serious, coffee, a drink, or just hang out with friends. But when you ask them to meet they give you some excuse or reason why they can’t go out with you.
You’re patient and wait a few days or may be a week or two. Your ex is still texting, emailing and even talking on the phone. They seem interested in talking to you but when you ask them out again, the answer is, “No, I can’t!”.
You are confused, but persistent. And again you wait, then ask again. But the answer is still “no” or “some other day”.
What do you do when your ex does not want to meet, do you?
- Give up because your ex is not interested in meeting
- Wait for them to ask to see you?
- Cut off all contact because your ex is stringing you along
Most people when their ex does not want to meet get frustrated and push harder (more pressure). Others completely pull back and do nothing. They’re too afraid to say anything or do anything that will seem like pressure.
In my opinion, both reactions; push harder or do nothing are a mistake.
If you get frustrated and start pushing too hard to meet for a face-to-face too early in the process or ask your ex out on too many dates too soon; they will feel that as “too much pressure” and pull away. On the other hand, if you wait for them to ask you to meet, you may never get to meet. And if you completely pull back or cut off contact, you will lose all the momentum you built up to this point. When later you contact them, you will be beginning from zero.
There are several reasons why your ex wants to text but not meet
Here are some of the most common reasons, your ex;
- Is not ready to take things to the next level
- Does not want to appear eager to get back with you
- Is keeping you in limbo for their own selfish reasons
- Maybe conflicted about how they feel or what they want
When your ex is conflicted, it means that they want to meet and are not against it, but they also worry that:
- It will change the way things currently are, in a good or bad way
- Their feeling for you will be so strong and they’ll make a decision they’ll regret
- You will want more than they are willing or ready to give (push for more)
- They’re still sexually attracted to you, and you might end up in bed; and it’s not something they want
- They like talking to you via text but they don’t want you back
Some of this conflict has to do with your ex’s attachment style. I discuss how this plays out in another article; you will find the link below.
Think rationally instead of thinking emotionally
Whatever your ex’s reasons are for wanting to text but not meet, there is nothing that you can do to force your ex to meet you face-to face.
If you find yourself unable to get your ex to see you in person or go out on dates, the best thing you can do is remain rational.
Thinking rationally allows you to look at the situation more objectively, and not just from your own position. Thinking rationally also allows you to hear the (real) reason why your ex can’t see you face-to-face or hang out with you. When you know the reason behind the reason, it’s much easier to put in place a plan of action because then you see the complete picture.
In some instances, you may have to ask your ex why they do not want to see you, but that should be done very skillfully, or else it will backfire and completely derail you.
Have a plan on how you are going to attract back your ex
It helps to keep track of the reasons, excuses or objections your ex gives you for not seeing you or going out with you. This way you are more prepared with a better responses next time the topic comes up in conversation.
Your plan of action should establish some momentum which will make it easier to get a more positive response. It should also include how long you can wait to meet, and when you should walk away.
In short, the response to an ex who wants to text but not meet is not to push even harder or completely pull back or cut off contact. The response is to 1) keep an open mind and 2) understand the emotions that have brought things to a standstill and 3) tweak something in your approach to get the desired outcome.