By the time your ex asks you for no contact and blocks you, it’s because they think and believe that contact with you has become disrespectful, threatening or toxic.
But sometimes exes ask for “no contact” because:
1. They’re hurting and want to protect themselves from further pain;
2. They genuinely believe that some time apart will help them see things more clearly (if they need you back or should move on);
3. They are trying to “forget” you and feel that cutting off contact and staying away from you will help them forget you faster.
4. They have been pushed to the limit by you being needy, angry or pushy, and need to get away from it all.
But there are also those sadistic exes that think it’ll make you miserable and miss them, and the ones just following a ‘rule” because it does not require critical thinking, personal responsibility or effort… I am not even going there… !
When your ex still genuinely cares about you (may be even still loves you) but still thinks it’s best to have no contact for some time, don’t freak out. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to talk them out of it. Don’t keep contacting them just to annoy them. I am talking about the “I’ll blow your phone to teach you a lesson” juvenile reaction.
Even if it hurts not to be in contact, even if you know no-contact will create more distance, even if you want to stay in contact, and even if deep inside your heart you know that staying in contact is your best chance of getting back together, granting your ex their wish is the only option you have. The only right option.
It’s important to be very clear here.
1) Your ex asking you not to contact them for some time is NOT doing “no contact”.
Doing “no contact” is when you initiate it. You control if and when they contact you. But your ex initiates it, it’s not “no contact” because you are not in control of the situation. Not contacting your ex out of respect for what they have asked for is a “loving” thing to do.
2) Giving your ex “space” they have not or didn’t ask for is doing “no contact”.
It has nothing to do with respecting your ex’s wish since they didn’t ask for “space”. It’s something you decided on your own, most likely out of fear of coming across as needy or to punish your ex.
Two different things, two different driving forces.
The driving force behind respect for what your ex has asked for is love.
It’s based on the principle that if you love someone, you don’t force your will on them. You let them exercise their free will and right to be themselves. When you do this, they in turn will respect you for not trying to force your will on them.
The driving force behind ‘giving your ex space’ they haven’t or didn’t ask for is fear.
You do not know how to stay in contact with someone who isn’t giving you what you want when you want, so you avoid them in the name of “giving them space”. When you do this, you are proving to them (one more time) that you just don’t know how to balance closeness and interdependence (secure attachment).
Two different driving forces, two different outcomes.
One inspires respect. The other raises questions about your motives at best, and relationship worthiness at worst.