If your ex contacts you, it makes sense to assume that your ex wants you back. It also makes sense that if your ex doesn’t contact or never contacts you, your ex doesn’t want you back. But sometimes your ex contacts you and you wonder why your ex contacts you, but doesn’t come out right and say they want you back.
Many people don’t know that it’s common for your ex to contact you; and even keep reaching out but not come out right and say they don’t want you back. They think they need to get ”Do you want to get back together?” question out of the way, to begin trying to get an ex back.
They are afraid of rejection so they directly or subtly put the message out there; “If you don’t want to get back together, don’t waste my time.”
Most find themselves trying this approach, that program and the other trick to no success. This is because getting your ex to say “yes I want you back” takes time and effort. If you just rush straight to it, chances are that you will get a “no” answer. Not because your ex doesn’t want you back, but because you didn’t lay the foundation for a “yes” answer.
In my article, “How To Take It Slow And Get Your Ex Back“, I highlighted the need to constantly ask yourself “Do my ex’s words and actions show that they feel for me the way I feel for them?”
Asking yourself this question is one way of making sure that you are not getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you; and putting pressure on your ex to get back together.
Your ex may want to keep the lines of communication open, but they’re not yet ready to make a decision to come back.
To get your ex to say “yes”, you have to slowly move them towards a decision, one small step at a time, until they’re ready to make a decision.
This is why the timing of when you have the conversation about getting back together is extremely important. If your ex is not ready to make a decision, it’s not a good time to ask them to get back together. Wait until they’re already.
1. When your ex is ready to make a decision to get back together is not determined by the number of contact/dates/months.
It’s determined by the groundwork you’ve laid for that kind of conversation to take place; and for the outcome to be a positive one.
Too soon, when you haven’t done all the things you need to do to show your ex that the relationship can work better will get you a “not now”; or straight “no” response. And in my experience, once you get “no” more than once. It becomes harder and harder to get a “yes”. So make sure before you talk about where things are going that your chances look good.
2. When your ex is ready to make a decision to get back together is not something you decide for your ex.
If your ex is leaning towards getting back with you and you; out of your own anxiety or aggressive nature, push them to a decision; they may say “Okay, lets get back together”, but remain uncommitted to making the relationship work.
3. When your ex is ready to make a decision to get back together is when it’s clear to both of you that this is something you both want; and not just one person trying to convince the other.
If you are working hard to convince your ex to get back together; they’re most likely not ready to make a decision. If your pressure them to make a decision when they’re not ready; the decision your ex will make will not be the one you want/like. Some exes will tell you “yes” but not be invested in making the relationship work.
If there is anything you should take from this article; it’s that getting your ex to a point where they’re “ready to make a decision” takes time and effort. Your effort is very important because your ex is unlikely to take you back; if they don’t think they relationship can work this time around. You have to show them the relationship can not only work, it can work better.