They say there is something new to learn everyday — so true!
I had been working with a client for about five months. Our work together had been mainly by phone and email since she lives in the USA. But as God/Universe would allow it, she had some business to do in Toronto, so we arranged to meet in person for the first time.
She had seen pictures of me on my website, so I only described to her what I would be wearing.
I arrived a little late for our meeting, and for almost five minutes stood there looking and feeling really stupid because I forgot to ask Maria what she looks like and what she would be wearing. As I was dialing her cell phone, she walked up to me and asked “Yangki, right?”
After the usual hugs and niceties, she asked me if she was like what I imagined her to look like – and I said “You are very attractive” — and she is. She took the compliment with ease and I gave her 10 plus on that trait alone.
I then asked her if I was what she had imagined I would be, and to my surprise and amusement (I am still amused) she said, “I thought you’d be so perfect. I made a lot of effort to try to impress you?”.
“Impress me, why?” I asked.
“You’re my coach”, She said. “I didn’t want you to think that the reason I am single is because I am not making the effort to impress guys”.
“I am sorry I disappointed you. I promise to look perfect, next time” I teased her. We had a wonderful two hours. She later sent me a text message, “You inspire me”.
So although I did not impress her, I did inspire her, after all.
So what was so amusing — and still is?
This is not the first time somebody who has known me just on the internet or by phone meets me in person and is not impressed by the “real me”. Okay, there have been a few people — guys — who couldn’t help but stare enchanted (brag, brag… :-))
Ego-cushioning aside, this experience got me thinking.
Too many women out there lie, exaggerate, and make things up to make guys think they are one way or the other? And so much advice about how to attract the “right” guy is really about how “not to be the REAL you, at any cost”.
This is the “empowering” advice many women have taken to heart. “You are not good enough just as you are. It’s best to pretend to be someone else (at least until he marries you)“.
We all want to be liked and loved by that special person, but what so often happens is that, you meet the “right” guy, he is attracted to who you are trying to be, but it doesn’t take very long for him to figure you out that who you are pretending to be and who you really are, are two different people.
That’s when you get the “you are not the person I fell in love with“, and he wants out.
You’re left wondering what went wrong. You still look sexy. You have the career success. You made sure to “satisfy” your man in bed, and you knew how to cook his favourite meal. All the things experts say “get and keep” a man.
Why weren’t you enough?
Sometimes, it’s not that you weren’t enough, it’s that you didn’t show up.
Your ex didn’t reject you, he/she rejected the person you were trying to be and didn’t even do a good job at impersonating.
Just may be… the real you, if you had shown up would have done a better job at being you.
Just may be… the real you, if you had shown up would have been enough for him.
But he never got to meet “the real you”. How sad is that?
How sad that the one person you loved more than you ever loved anyone (of the opposite sex) walked out of your life never knowing who you really are. Talk about lonely. That must feel really lonely.