Question: Why Isn’t My Ex Trying to Get Me Back? I recently broke up with the man I thought loved me. It was my decision to breakup because he didn’t show that he cared about me. I told him that we could be friends but he kept saying that would never work. We haven’t spoken since. I’m hurt because I really thought there was something special between us. My question is, why is he not trying to get me back?
Yangki’s Answer: You have every right to end the relationship if you felt that he wasn’t being the boyfriend you wanted him to be. But I think you are being unreasonable with regards to:
1) Being friends with your ex
Besides the fact that he’s hurt, he really doesn’t owe you a friendship. You offered, he has every right to turn it down. Give him time to grieve. If and when he’s ready to be friends, a friendship will happen naturally. But if he decides he doesn’t want to be friends, let go and move on. Just as it is your right to end a relationship, it’s his right to refuse your friendship.
2) Your ex trying to get you back
Just because he says you can’t be friends or that it would never work doesn’t mean that what you had wasn’t special or that he didn’t love you (or doesn’t still love you). You made the choice to break up with him and may have not considered or anticipated he would respond the way he did. Like many people (women especially), you might have thought that breaking up with him would trigger a sense of rejection, abandonment or loss and it would make him “show that he cares” about you. When you play these sort of mind games, you end up hurting yourself even more.
If you want him back, you must change how you are looking at the situation, make the first move and take things slow
This site will help you with how you go about getting your ex back in a way that is not pushy, needy or manipulative.
Attachment Styles And Why Your Ex Doesn’t Want You Back