Why Is No-Contact When You Need Space A Bad Thing?

Question: Yangki, in another comment you said quote “most grow-ups understand the need for space”, then why is no contact when you need space a bad thing? Am I missing something? I hope you post my comment.

Yangki’s Answer: Yes, that’s what I said, but you left out the part that says “but you have to clearly communicate to them why and what to expect”.

Put yourself in this scenario… you had a fight with your roommate the night before, you come home from work in the evening and she’s packed up all her stuff, including furniture, kitchenware, everything. Completely cleaned out.

You ask her what’s going on and she says “I just need some space to think and clear my head”.

Any rational person will be thinking, “I understand the need for space… but why take all your stuff and even the furniture and pots if you are planning on coming back?”

Same logic.

If you just need “space” then why delete your ex’s phone #, unfriend or block him/her from all social media, ignore any attempts they make to reach out and/or act like they don’t exist?

These are actions of someone who’s not planning on coming back. If you’re not planning on coming back, that’s okay. But don’t say “I just need some space to think and clear my head”. People who just need some space don’t act like they are not planning on coming back. Unless… they are not thinking straight.

When you move all your stuff out, people change locks and/or get new roommates. That’s just a fact of life.

When you move out of someone’s life, don’t act surprised when you come back (with all your stuff)… and find out that the locks have been changed (you have been emotionally shut out) and/or your roommate has a new roommate (someone else has moved into your ex’s life).

Don’t treat people like disposable trash and expect them not to react.

Don’t just disappear from your ex’s life and/or try to erase them from your life and then months later come back expecting them to be all smiles and hugs or get frustrated and upset that your ex wants nothing to do with you. You showed you wanted nothing to do with your ex, it’s only fair that your ex wants nothing to do with you, or is keeping their guard up.

Actions not only have consequences, actions communicate our intention louder than words do.

If you feel that you need “space” and plan on re-establishing communication at some point, communicate what you want and need like a grown-up.

Related question: Why “Cool Off Period” Is NOT “No Contact”

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