My Ex Won’t See Me – Am I Wasting My Time?

Question: My ex told me she still had feelings for me but didn’t want to be in a relationship. I told her I understood may be somewhere in the future we could work things out. We text and chat almost everyday and we really have fun together but we never go out on dates or hang out. I’ve asked her out three times and every time she said yes, but never followed through. Something always comes up. This has been going on for 3 and a half months. Am I wasting my time?

Yangki’s Answer: Three and a half months is a long time to be just texting and chatting and no one-on-one meetings. My experience with this kind of situations is that:

1) You are probably not building enough emotional momentum prior to you asking her out.

2) You make plans many days before hand. That gives her enough time to back off.

3) She has no intentions of getting back with you, but keeping you around until she meets someone else.

4) She thinks if you meet in person you will end up in bed (that’s if your sex life was always great), and this is her way of trying to pace things.

I suggest asking her directly why she does not want to meet you. Sometimes a more direct question catches people by surprise and they feel they have to give you an answer.

If I were you, I would not let this go on for another week without finding out if you are wasting your time or not. But before you ask her, try building enough emotional momentum prior to you asking her to hang out. It has worked for some of my clients.