Question: I have an impression that whenever I am the one that asks a man out he is less interested or in the moment during a date than a man that would ask me out. Sometimes it’s not about the rules and games – sometimes it’s about what works best for you. Sometimes it’s even so natural that u r not sure in the end who asked whom :P. But sometimes mmmm… it’s a struggle. There are moments when I feel that I gave some encouragement and a person does not react or changes his actions very delicately. Do you believe it’s a lost cause then? How to tell if it’s not? Thank you 4 great advice – this is what I needed :D.
Yangki’s Answer: You’re right about it being what’s right for you. As for asking a guy out vs. being asked, if a guys isn’t that into you, it doesn’t matter who does the asking, he just isn’t interested.
And asking doesn’t always have to be verbal. It can be non-verbal, a little positive encouragement for the guy you want to ask you out instead of waiting for the ones you may not even be interested in but go out with them anyway because they asked.
If there is no reaction in form of positive encouragement or if the person changes to a point where you literally feel he has a wall between the two of you, it’s a lost cause (to use your words).
Any relationship whether beginning or advanced stage where you feel you’re giving/putting in a lot more effort than you’re getting/the other person is putting, should make you step back.
Step back and see if the other person will move towards you. The mistake most people make is to try to work it harder/give more. As I said in another post, if you starve a plant it’ll die, if you over water it, it’ll die. The goal should be to find that “balance”/own internal regulator.
For many people the inability to regulate oneself is a result of some “damage” to the internal regulator. Instead of “fixing it” a majority try to use external regulators a.ka. “the rules” and other head games. The problem does not go away, instead it’ll manifest in another form of “relationship problem.”
It’s always important to remember that in almost every relationship it takes a few steps forward, one step back moves, until you get the other person’s rhythm and then the dance!!!