Why Does My Ex Say It Is Too Soon For Contact?

Question: Yangki, what about when she says its too soon to be in contact and when I ask when I can contact her she says, “I don’t know”. She also said I should not wait for her and wants me to find someone else. What does it mean?

Yangki’s Answer: It means she doesn’t know when and if she’ll want to be in contact, let alone get back together.

People usually say “its too soon to be in contact” because:

  1. You’ve violated a personal boundary and keeping you at a distance is your ex’s response.
  2. They think being in contact hinders their healing process.
  3. They think that cutting off contact will help both of you move on.
  4. They believe that it will help both of you “forget” the past and start over again.

I personally don’t believe that you can “forget” the past or that this is the best way to start over, but it’s out there.

When you add the part about not waiting for her and her wanting you to find someone else, it means that at this point in time, she doesn’t see the two of you in a romantic relationship anytime soon, or even in the future.

It doesn’t mean she can’t change her mind later, it just means that for now, trying to pursue her will only push her further away.
Respect her wish and try to contact her again a few weeks from now. In the meantime, don’t put your life on hold “waiting” for what might not happen.

If it’s a boundary issue, you might want to get a copy of my coaching notes: Dating Your Ex Boundaries.

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