Why Does My Ex Say She’s Not Sure About Us?

Question: My ex and I decided to take things slow but I’m getting so many mixed signals from her that I don’t know what to do anymore. She texts saying she misses the way we were before and a few days later she says she’s not sure about us. I’m willing to take things slow but I at least want to know which direction we are going in. I don’t want to be making all the effort only for her to walk away. Maybe I’m being cynical but I believe she is using me for her own selfish needs. I’m close to telling her to sort herself out or take a walk. Does that make sense? Please help.

Yangki’s Answer: Yes, it makes sense. You want to figure out sooner rather than later where things are headed, and that’s healthy. But I also suspect that you’re somehow convinced she’s going to walk for sure and for you it’s better now than later. My experience is that if someone feels strongly things will not work out, they are usually right.

Instead of getting all frustrated about her not making up her mind, you spend that energy trying to figure out what it is exactly that she’s ambivalent about, that’s if you want this relationship to work.

Someone can love you but sit on the face for a reason… and as long as that reason still exists, they’ll sit there torn between their love for you and 1) something you say/do that they are particularly not happy about or 2) their needs/wants/desires not met by the relationship.

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