Question: Why don’t dismissive avoidants ever say “I miss you” Is it because they don’t miss their ex or are they too proud to tell you they miss you?
My dismissive avoidant ex broke up with me three months ago but we stayed as friends and text or call each other often. She acts like she wants to get back together but when I tell her I love her and miss her, she does not respond. One time I asked her if she still love me and got not reply back. When I pressed her on if we will ever get back together, she said she’ll think about it but thinks we’d better off with other people. I’ve heard from mutual friends that she isn’t dating anyone else, and they say she still loves me and is not over me. But I don’t know. She’s never said she still loves me or misses me. My question to you is, why don’t dismissive avoidants say “I miss you”. Is it because they don’t miss their ex or is it because they’re too proud to tell you they miss you?
Yangki’s Answer: A quick answer to your question is your dismissive avoidant ex misses you. Does she want to get back together? It’s hard to tell without knowing why you broke up, what kind of relationship you had, how long you were together etc. All these play a role in a dismissive avoidant ex coming back.
Are dismissive avoidants too proud to say, “I miss you”? It’s more complicated than just pride. It goes at the core of a dismissive avoidant attachment style as explained in this article.
Anyone who’s been in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant at some point in your relationship you must have asked, “Don’t they care about me? Don’t I mean something to them?” And if you’re trying to attract back a dismissive avoidant, you can’t but sometimes wonder if your dismissive avoidant ex misses you. And like you did, you told your dismissive avoidant ex that you missed them, and they didn’t respond or ignored you and moved on to talking about something else.
I share how a dismissive avoidants handle break-ups in my account of my dismissive avoidant years. I talk about how an ex saying “I miss you” irritated me and made me not want to respond.
“After a break-up, some exes would ask if I missed them, and I just didn’t respond. If they asked me if I missed them, it irritated me. It’s like keep your feelings to yourself. I don’t want to hear them. Based on what I hear from dismissive avoidants and people trying to attract back a dismissive avoidant, they never say “I miss you” or “I miss you too?”. It doesn’t mean that they don’t miss the connection you had and the good memories. It’s that it doesn’t didn’t matter if a dismissive avoidant ex misses you; it’s not something they dwell on or want to talk about. This was certainly my experience.”
Dismissive avoidants attach superficially, so it’s easy for them to walk away with seemingly little to no care for how you feel. This however doesn’t mean that a dismissive avoidant doesn’t care or that you that you didn’t mean anything to them.
Don’t ignore her saying “you’d be better off with other people” because this maybe her way of trying to justify dating someone else in the future. But don’t take her too seriously either if she’s acting like she wants to get back together. She may not be showing or telling you how she feels about you but saying things to your mutual friends to make them say she still loves you and is not over you.
In the article I referenced above, how dismissive avoidants show they care or miss you is how they learned from their caregivers to show love and care.
The fact that you and your dismissive avoidant ex but we stayed as friends and text or call each other often. If your dismissive avoidant ex reached out after a break-up after reading this, it’s because you meant something to them. It’s important to understand how dismissive avoidants process a break-up and why the come back based on a dismissive avoidant’s perspective. It will help you understand how much effort it took your dismissive avoidant ex to reach out, and why they reached out to you.
I’m not saying that your dismissive avoidant wants to get back together or for others reading this that you should take back a dismissive avoidant. I’m saying that dismissive avoidants show they love you, care about you and miss you in ways that you may not see as love or caring about you. They may not say, “I miss you” or “I miss you too” but that doesn’t mean they don’t.
I have written many articles about how dismissive avoidants exes that may be worth reading. You may even realize that your dismissive avoidant ex is trying to show you they miss you, but is too proud to say, “I miss you” or “I miss you too”.
Dismissive Avoidants And “Longing” For An Ex (Explained)
How I Handled Break-Ups As A Dismissive Avoidant Ex