Why Are My Ex’s Answers Short and Negative?

Question: My ex has started initiating contact and has been contacting me almost every other day. He even apologized when he replies the next day. However, he plays hot and cold. Some days he replies with long texts and other days his responses are short and almost negative. This is confusing to me. It’s not like I’m contacting him every day, and I have not brought up getting back together. I really have no idea what goes through his head. Can you shed some light?

Yangki’s Answer: It’s impossible to know with certainty what’s going on inside another person’s head. If this is something out of character for him, meaning it was not something that he did when you were together, there are a few possibilities I can think of…

1) If the break-up was recent, if there was betray or anything that could cause resentment, it’s possible that even if he wants to be in contact, he is still struggling with some emotions from the break-up.

2) He genuinely likes you as a person (may be even still loves you) but is not sure if he wants a relationship with you.

3) He wants to get back together with you at some point but feels that things need to slow down a little bit. It’d be helpful if he just said it, but not all people are good at communicating how they truly feel.

Him initiating contact, contacting you frequently, and even apologizing when he does not respond in time, is a sign that he is trying but conflicted somehow.

My advice is, be patient. If in a month he is still that way, bring it up in conversation. Don’t “confront”. Anything that feels like blame or an ‘attack” will make him withdraw even further. Instead, use “I” statements and talk about you and how you feel.

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