Who Reaches Out After The Breakup, Dumper Or Dumpee?

Who should reach out first after the break-up, the dumper or dumpee? Most people say the dumper should be the one to initiate contact. We can all agree that it feels good when a dumper reaches out first. It says they missed you and want you back in their lives. A dumper also initiating contact can feel like they’re admitting that they were wrong to breakup, or that they love you more than they realized.

But what if the dumper doesn’t reach out, should the dumpee reach out? In my opinion, yes, absolutely. Whoever wants the other back or wants to try the relationship again should initiate contact. There is nothing shameful or demeaning about showing someone that you still love them and want them back. As long you accept that there are no guarantees that the one you love will love you back, risking rejection for love is one of the most selfless things to do.

Besides, most break-ups are not personal. The dumper is doing what they think and feel is right for them. The dumpee may feel it’s not fair, and sometimes it’s not, but like in many things in life, even when there are still strong feelings of love both ways, sometimes things just work out.

• Maybe the timing of the relationship was wrong.
• Maybe there were problems that both of you needed to recognize, acknowledge and work on for the relationship work.
• Maybe feelings dipped a little and you needed to be a part to realize how much you need to be together.

It could be a number of reasons why the breakup happened. But after reflection and some self-work, the relationship could work, but you won’t know that if one person doesn’t make the first move. And it doesn’t matter if you are the dumpee, taking the initiate to reach out might actually turn out to be the best decision you ever made. For all you know, your dumper ex may be also be afraid of rejection or have an ego and is waiting for you to reach out first. And if ego and fear have their way, you could be waiting forever for your dumper ex to reach out or initiate contact, especially if you’re dealing with a dismissive avoidant ex.

Avoidants in general and dismissive avoidant dumpees in particular do not iniate contact after the breakup or reach out first because that is too much vulnerability, and in so many ways says they are not as independent as they come across because they need connection and want a relationship.

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