When To Stop Reaching Out And Let Your Ex Reach Out

How do you know when to stop reaching out and let your ex reach out? When do you give up trying to get back with your ex?

Anyone who has tried to get back their ex knows too well that this is not something you can achieve with a single action or random number of actions. It takes time, good strategic planning, and sometimes it’s one step forward and two backwards. Other times you feel like you’re getting mixed signals. That’s all part of trying to attract back an ex.

Many tend to give up after just one or two attempts. Others stubbornly persist to the point of becoming so annoying that their ex is frightened of them; and even gets a restraining order.

When do you persist and refuse to give up and when do you step back and let your ex reach out?

It depends on a lot of factors. In some cases persistence pays off and in others persistence can be a major turn off. In some situations your ex is sending mixed signals and/or breadcrumbing you and making you feel that there is hope, and in others it’s you refusing to accept that your ex isn’t coming back.

There are however cases when it’s very clear that you have done enough reaching out, and if your ex still wants any form of contact with you, it’s up to them to reach out.

1. Your ex has not responded to your 5 attempts to reach them

If you try to reach out the first time and there is no response, try a couple more times. Many exes do not respond the first or even third time. There are also exes who take a “let’s see” approach because they don’t trust that you’ll follow through; and not just give up. Kind of like a test. A little persistence may pay off.

But if after 3 or 4 attempts and still no response of any kind, that’s a message in itself. Your ex is not interested and want you to stop reaching out. Someone who is interested will at least try to give you some encouragement to keep persisting.

2. Your ex wants no contact

If you tried to reach out to your ex or tried to get them back and they tell you they want no contact or tell you to stop reaching out, stop reaching out. It’s best to accept that persistence is not going to pay off. There is  a chance that your ex will reach out, but for now they’ve made it clear that they want you to not contact them.

This is not the same as when your ex says they need more time. More time means, at some point we will reconnect, leave me alone means I don’t want you to keep reaching out.

3. Your ex is in a relationship and it’s not a rebound

Your ex’s relationship may have started as a rebound, but if they’ve been together for over 6 months and still going steady, it’s no longer a rebound. Reaching out to try to get them back is not going to change anything.

Show yourself some respect and stop reaching out. You are not giving up on getting back your ex, your ex gave up on you. They may reach out if the new relationship doesn’t work out, but don’t out your life on hold waiting for them, because they may not. Your ex may even move on to another relationship.

What do you do if your ex reaches out after you stop reaching out?

As mentioned earlier, different circumstances, different situations. The take away however is, if someone doesn’t want to be with you, no amount of persistence will change that. The right action is to let go trying. Letting go is not the same as giving up hope. Giving up is deciding that your ex is not coming back, letting go is stepping back and allow things unfold as they should. This is what they call “non-attached” persistence.

“Non-attached” persistence means that you still have hope that something can happen (e.g. your ex reaching out, or your ex back) but you are not attached to things going the way you want them to, or the pace you want them to.

Non-attached persistence helps you be more flexible, adapt to your new reality in a constructive way, and interact with our ex without expectations. For example if and when you ex reaches out, instead of being angry that they didn’t want contact, or getting overly excited that they reached out when you don’t know why or what it means going forward, you respond with an open mind. Whatever will happen will happen, in the meantime, you are going to enjoy the process and not worry bout the outcome.

Over time you find that you have built a resilience to things not working out how you want them to, and at the pace you want them too.

Try non-attached persistence and see how far you can get. You just never know. Just keep your heart and mind open to the fact that things may go the way you want it to, and they may not. ither way, you grow and are better for it.

RELATED:

10 CLEAR SIGNS Your Ex Is NOT Coming Back (Any Time Soon)

12 Signs Your Ex Is Friendly And Polite But Doesn’t Want You Back

Do Exes Come Back When You Let Go? (Yes, Here’s Why)