When Do You Stop Trying To Get Back Your Ex? (And Give Up)

How do you know when to stop trying to get back with your ex? When do you know it’s time to give up on getting your ex back?

Anyone who has tried to get back their ex knows too well that this is not something you can achieve with a single action or random number of actions. It takes time, good strategic planning, and sometimes it’s one step forward and two backwards. Other times you feel like you’re getting mixed signals. That’s all part of trying to attract back an ex.

Many tend to give up after just one or two attempts. Others stubbornly persist to the point of becoming so annoying that their ex is frightened of them; and even gets a restraining order.

When do you persist and refuse to take “no” for an answer; and when do you give up on getting your ex back?

In my experience as a coach, it all depends on a lot of factors. In some situations persistence pays off and in others; persistence can be a major turn off. In some situations it’s your ex sending mixed signals; and in others it’s you refusing to accept reality.

There are many signs that your ex does not want you back, and I have attached a link to some of these signs at the bottom of the article. These 3 signs however definitively tell you it is time to give up on your ex.

1. Your ex has not responded to your 5 attempts to reach them

If you try to reach out the first time and there is no response, try a couple more times. Many exes do not respond the first or even third time. There are also exes who take a “let’s see” approach because they don’t trust that you’ll follow through; and not just give up. Kind of like a test. A little persistence may pay off.

But if after 3 or 4 attempts and still no response of any kind, then you get the message; they’re simply not interested. Someone who is interested will at least try to give you some encouragement to keep persisting.

2. Your ex wants you to leave them alone

If you tried to reach your ex a few times or tried to get them back and they tell you to “leave me alone”; it’s time to stop trying to get back your ex. They are making it very clear persistence is not going to pay off. It’s best to accept that it’s over and move on

This is not the same as when your ex says they need space or I need some space; which means there is still a chance. It may not be time to stop trying to get back with your ex, yet.

3. Your ex is in a relationship and it’s not a rebound

Your ex’s relationship may have started as a rebound, but if they’ve been together for over 6 months; and still going steady, it’s no longer a rebound.

Even if your ex is still responding to texts and keeping the lines of communication open; they are only doing it to be polite. Show yourself some respect and walk away. You are not giving up on getting back your ex; your ex gave up on you.

Letting go vs. giving up on trying to get back your ex

As mentioned earlier, when to persist and when do you give up on getting your ex back depends on a lot of factors. In some situations, the right action is to let go; not give up but let go.

Knowing the difference is very important if you are trying to attract back an avoidant ex. For example, with an avoidant, how quickly they respond isn’t always a good indicator of how they feel. When a relationship ends, most avoidants try to block all feelings of you, the relationship and the break-up. This may give you the impression they want you to leave them alone, when that’s not the case.

In some cases the response can be very random and far and in-between. In such situations the extent, manner, and frequency with which you persist has to be moderated by a realistic assessment of the situation; and a common sense approach. You can choose to be persistent sometimes and other times it’s best to step back; let go and allow things to be as they should. This is what I call “non-attached” persistence.

“Non-attached” persistence

“Non-attached” persistence means that you’re 100% actively engaged in trying to get your ex back; but your life and happiness is not dependent on things going the way you want them to. If you take two steps forward and get pushed a step back; that’s okay. You keep going until it’s very clear that there is no path ahead, then you give up.

Try it and see how far you can get. You just never know. Just keep your heart and mind open to the fact that it may go the way you want it to; and it may not.


10 CLEAR SIGNS Your Ex Is NOT Coming Back (Any Time Soon)

12 Signs Your Ex Is Friendly And Polite But Doesn’t Want You Back

This Is How Letting Go Of An Ex Helps You Get Back Your Ex

More from Love Doctor Yangki Akiteng
Why Your Ex Thinks You Haven’t Changed (Show You Changed)
One of the questions I am asked a lot is, “My ex...
Read More
Join the Conversation


  1. says: Fed

    My ex stopped responding after contacting me for 2 months straight. We have had no contact since August
    and at this point I have no hope that we will get back together and don’t fantasize about it like I used to. I would still be there for her if she felt that she needed me. This hurts sooooo much!

    1. says: Love Doctor Yangki Akiteng

      Sometimes no response it a response in itself. But with everyone saying “do no contact”, your ex may be doing just that and will contact you again at some point. It sucks and it hurts.

      The best you can do for yourself is focus on you, and if she does reach out, see how you feel then… if you still want her back or are happier without her and want to keep it that way.

  2. says: Ashley

    Me and my ex have stayed friends. We never fought, but one day he said the love was just gone. He insists that he wants us to be friends, and even flirts with me on occasion. When I bring up getting back together, its a no go for him. But he keeps staying in touch, and insists that he doesn’t want me to not be his friend. Is he just selfish? I strongly believe that he just freaked out about taking the next step, and wanted to focus on his career, but when do I quit? It has been almost 8 months since he ended it, but I still love him.

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      I think that there is ‘something’ holding him back. May be you have not done enough to move him to a point where getting back together is an attractive proposition.

      Think of it this way, you are trying to sell someone something. They are saying no, but keep calling you (insists that he wants your in his life) AND shows interest in the product (flirting with you), a good sales person will ask himself, “What can I do to seal this deal?”, not think “he’s freaking out about taking the next step”. That kind of thinking is self-defeating. You are essentially saying, “there is nothing I can do”. his is why you feel like giving up.

Leave a comment
Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *