What Do You Do If You Still Have Feelings For Your Ex?

Break-ups are hard, painful and very emotionally trying. Trying to get back your is, as mentioned in Dating Your Ex is  probably one of the most emotionally trying experiences of our lives. It tests your emotional maturity, emotionally resilience and ability to deal with unwanted emotions or uncomfortable situations in ways that many of us have never experienced before, or even knew was possible.

If you do not yet have the maturity and skills required to take you through the unwanted and uncomfortable experience (and get back your ex), you’ll give in to the temptation to not to ‘feel’ (detach) or try to ‘forget’, and will easily be swayed by people urging you to move on, find someone new, forget your ex, focus on you instead of what you want most, get your ex back.

Sometimes you just need to try things again to know for sure that it’s really over.

This is not about denial or holding on to false hope. Sometimes it is really over, and no amount of ‘positive thinking’ will change anything . This about saying to yourself: I am going to give this everything I have, do the best that I can, and if it does not work out, I’ll at least know I did everything I could have possibly done right, it just wasn’t meant to be.

It’s about taking control of the decision to go after what you want even when everyone around you is telling you to move on, find someone new, forget your ex, etc.

It’s about applying yourself whole heartedly, instead of the fear-filled one foot already out of the door half-assed attempt at getting back your ex.

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  • Yangki, you and I had a phone session a couple of weeks ago and you were in agreement that I see a therapist for my anxiety and depression. I did see one but I’m concerned she is advising me to move on. I don’t want to hear that. Especially now. Do you think I should risk what she is saying and still see her?

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    • Its always good practice to work with someone only if you are comfortable with it. Most counsellors/therapists are not relationship coaches. Their main focus is your well-being and not the relationship. If they believe that the relationship negatively affects your well-being, they will prioritize your well-being.

      Sometimes what is good for you and the relationship conflict, so you have to make the decision on whether the cost of pursuing a relationship is a risk to your well-being. Only you can make that decision.

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