A lack of sexual confidence limits one’s ability to find a romantic partner and can often lead to bad choices when it comes to who and when to have sex. But what is sexual confidence and how do you get it?
Whether you know it or not, accept it or not, the way you see yourself sexually affects every aspect of your life. It affects how you walk on the street, how you talk to your boss, how you respond to stress, how you relate to others and even how you pursue success.
People lacking sexual confidence tend to overcompensate in those areas they are more confident in. They are on a constant drive for accomplishment and external approval. They often try to belittle or down play their sexual expectations and have a tendency to resist acknowledging or expressing their emotions. The extroverted ones over project and exaggerate their sexual desirability. They try to assert themselves and their presence by doing everything in “larger than life” style. But their “macho” or “sexy” self-image is the opposite of what is happening on the outside.
People blessed with enormous sexual confidence on the other hand don’t flaunt it with low necklines or ass-hugging jeans. They may not even have a charismatic personality and are not necessarily seducers but everywhere they go men and women fall under the spell of their seductive aura. They attract the opposite sex like bees to honey. It is simply hard to resist getting a discreet glance and sometimes we don’t even know why. They look at us and something happens to our sexual desires.
These people don’t seem to age and skin colour or race has no bearing on the power of their magnetism. They kind of command attention, affection and respect without asking for it. They look like they are truly happy in their sexual “being-ness” – and they are.
So what is this mystical thing we call sexual confidence?
Sexual confidence is often confused with “sexy’ or the “exotic” – whatever these words mean. Many think it is something you do, something you buy with money, something a sexual partner gives you, or even something you get from travel to some ‘exotic” part of the world.
Sexual confidence is not about a perfect body, bigger boobs or bigger “tool”. If you do not believe me, tell someone who thinks they have big boobs or big organ that you do not think that “it” is that big anyway, and watch their self-image take a downward dive. Not to mention that there are some men and women who are less-endowed in the looks department but ooze sexual magnetism.
Sexual confidence is not about what you wear or the kind of car you drive. Wearing a secret little number underneath your clothes, or driving a sleek car can help boost your sexual confidence but only when you already have it. Take away the lingerie (eventually you have to take it off anyway), or the car and all that is left is the same inadequate insecure small self.
Sexual confidence is not something you get in Mexico, Thailand or on an African Safari. I know some of you are thinking, “Who are you kidding? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got their African “juju” on that Safari to Africa.
You can go to these “exotic” places with an uptight, single-minded and sex repressed attitude, and return even more confused and paranoid because the “sexual openness” you found there will have rattled your beliefs about sexuality and sex.
Sexual confidence is not about learning sex techniques or bedroom tricks/ While knowing what to do in the bedroom just like lingerie or sports car can boost your sexual confidence, it doesn’t necessarily means you are sexually magnetic.
Sexual confidence is not even necessarily about sex.
Sexual confidence is more than sex appeal. People with great looks, incredible talent, immense power, extreme wealth, above average intelligence and even the notorious “bad boys” can all have sex appeal, but they are not necessarily sexually confident and do not necessarily have sexual magnetism.
Our sexuality is a natural, healthy, life-long part of being human. From the time we are born to the time we die, we are sexual beings with sexual bodies, whether or not we are engaged in a sexual act or behaviour. It is an integral and powerful influence on our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.
Sexual confidence is therefore about being comfortable in with your sexual mind, in your sexual body and, with your sexual spirit.
It is the dynamic, free and spontaneous response of your own inner man or woman. It is about inner power, and that power comes from knowing who you really are, what’s right for you and what you can bring to any encounter, whether it be sexual, social or business.
It is about walking into any situation knowing that you ‘rock”, voicing your opinion knowing that it will be highly valued by others, asking for what you want without fear of rejection or failure.
It is about being fully present body, mind and spirit (moment to moment) and the ability to truly let go and have fun with life, fully and wholesome.
By simply giving yourself the permission to generate enough sexual energy without being embarrassed, ashamed or consumed by it, you can have the sexual charisma that is yet beyond your wildest imagination.
Sexual confidence is like a magnet. If you have it, you’ll draw people to you.
So how does one get sexual confidence?
1) Develop a sex-positive attitude
Unlearn your guilt about your sexual body and sexual desires. Give yourself the permission to really celebrate what you have inside of yourself and develop the emotional and social skills you need to be able to share your real self with your sexual partner and with the rest of the world.
2) Know your sexual body
The greatest knowledge you can have when it comes to sexuality is how your body responds to its sexual, social or business environment. If you’ve been living in your head, get back into your body and fully inhabit it. It is not what the body can do for you but what you can do with the body that gives you the sexual magnetism you long for.
3) Develop your own individual style
Your sexual magnetism is a unique, individualized expression of self. Knowing that you’re uniquely and wonderfully created is saying, “I like who i am and i know you will like me too”. Develop the kind of attitude that get people all excited just thinking of talking to you or getting to see you again.
4) Be spontaneous and unpredictable
Spontaneity and unpredictability are the soul of sexual charisma and it’s what keeps other people fascinated by you. Work on developing spontaneity in your emotional manifestations by taking actions in each moment driven by your inner awareness. Let go of contriving, scheming, pretense and living in self-distrust. Tap into your subconscious and set your imagination free. Let your hair down and discover your wild side.
5) Learn to enjoy life
Many of us are too rushed to enjoy life, too confused to be simple, too rich to have enough, too worried to be healthy, too ungrateful to be happy, too afraid to love, and too controlling to be free. Your sexual magnetism depends on your ability to let go and be in the moment. But in order to enjoy the moment you have to learn to appreciate it. Develop an attitude of thankfulness in spite of your current circumstances.
6) Become interested in other people
Sexual magnetism is not about a superior attitude or blowing your own horn, it is about listening and making other people comfortable talking about themselves. Work on being someone who is interested rather than worry about being interesting.
7) Surround yourself with good friends
There are few things in this world that can make you feel like a million bucks – a good friend is one of those things. A good friend is that person who gives you the courage and strength to get out there and conquer the world.
Cultivate lots of different friendships with both men and women – especially single ones. Having lots of friends of the opposite sex is a great way to learn about the opposite sex, it’s better than anything you read in books which are only other people’s opinions.
8) Enhance your spiritual awareness
The journey towards your sexual embodiment is also the journey towards your spiritual enlightenment. Sex and spirit are inseparable. Do not concentrate on developing one and ignore the other. When you neglect one, the other will be distorted.
Begin vibrating this powerful magnetic energy and watch how people suddenly begin noticing and gravitating towards you.
More in my eBook: Seducing Out Of Fullness of Desire