Question: Some coaches advocate absolute no contact (Which to me does not even feel right) and others advocate something know as ‘Active No contact’. Basically, no contact, but with the intent of self improvement of whatever issues a person may have. What do you think of the idea of Active No contact? (I personally feel it will literally cause more damage, but hey, what do I know. I already lost the woman of my dreams… :P)
Yangki’s Answer: Just wordplay for the emotionally immature and communication challenged. Even just saying “Active No contact” sounds so lame.
No contact is NO CONTACT.
There is no such a thing as active or passive (whatever) no contact. You are either IN contact or you are NOT in contact. If you are contacting your ex or your ex is contacting you and you are responding, you are IN contact, no matter what you tell yourself. It’s simple common sense. You don’t even have to be a coach or “expert” to know this.
Someone figured out No Contact isn’t popular anymore and playing mind games with people looking for ways to get back their ex.
If you ask me, the so-called ‘Active No contact’ is actually worse than straight up No Contact.
With straight up ‘no contact’, the message is clear: I will not text you, call you, IM you, email you, check up on you on social media etc., and I will not respond if and when you contact me. Clean cut.
And if you use no contact for what’s intended for, you may actually be able to bounce back faster and move on with your life.
What do you expect to achieve with so-called “Active No contact” ?
What does it even mean? Even more importantly, what is your ex supposed to think about what you think are doing?
How do you expect your ex to give you another chance if you can’t even make up your mind if you want contact or ‘no contact’?
It’s this kind of half-baked theories that make you appear desperate, needy and frankly, immature. At a certain age, people expect you to know what you want and do what you say you are going to do; not be wish-washy about simple decisions like contact… or no contact.
If you can walk and chew at the same time, you can do self-improvement and use the open lines of communication to lay the groundwork for getting back your ex at the same time.
This actually works to you advantage because human beings in general are more likely to believe change when they understand, appreciate and see what you are doing to change (what I call the process of change); when they can make the connection between input and output, effort and outcome.
We generally tend to be suspicious of people who disappear for a few days/weeks/months and reappear claiming that they have changed. We want to know, “what did you do to change” and “is it for real”. We are justified in calling them bluffing, or taking a wait-and-see approach.