My Ex Responds To Texts Immediately – What Do Her Quick Responses Mean?

Question: Yangki, I am confused about my ex’s signals and hope you can clarify things for me. My ex responds fast to my texts but doesn’t seem to want to continue a conversation with me.

A little bit of background. She broke up with me because we weren’t connecting emotionally. She said she loved me and that I was a great guy but the relationship just wasn’t fulfilling her emotional needs. This is not the first time I have been left for not meeting her emotional needs, and I am working on this in therapy.

I don’t know if she wants to talk to me or if I should reach out less, maybe once or twice a month to give her time to warm up to me. What do you think?

Yangki’s Answer: How quickly your ex responds is a good sign. It means she’s not giving your texts the “I’ll get to it, when I get to it” attitude. It means she’s at least interested in keeping the lines of communication open. It also means she wants to show that your texts are valued enough for her to respond to right away.

I think that part of your confusion is because you are using how quickly she responds as the main measure of interest.

How quickly your ex responds means very little if they are responding but the conversations have little to no emotional depth. The speed of a response means even less if your ex is the type of person who responds immediately to everyone when they get a text regardless of interest level. They are just being them, nothing more to it.

The true measure of interest is an ex’s emotional engagement. When an ex is emotionally engaged, they want to participate and are excited to talk to you. More emotional engagement means you are emotionally connecting, this makes the experience more memorable.

Does she want to talk to you? Seems so. She’s responding and responding quickly. It’s likely that she does not seem to want to continue the conversations because you are not emotionally connecting. Lack of emotional connection is the reason she ended the relationship, and it seems that it is still an issue for her. She responds quickly because as she said she loves you and you are a great guy, but because the two of you are not emotionally connecting, she’d not excited to talk to you. It’s likely that she’s doing her part to keep the lines of communication open hoping that things will change, especially if you have told her you are in therapy working on this very issue.

She’s not going to warm up to you just because you’re reaching out to  talking to her every once in a while, in fact it may do the opposite. Look at it this way, there is store near you that you’ve been told sells your favourite healthy drink. You’ve gone there a few times and it’s not in stock. The store owner says they will soon have it back in stock. Every now and then you check to see if they have it in stock. Then one day you go to check and there is a notice on the store entrance advising customers that the store will now be open for only two days a week. Like most normal people, you will ask yourself if waiting for the store to restock is worth it.

This may not be the best analogy, but the point is that up to now your ex may be hoping that the two of you will emotionally connect (and that therapy will help), if you pull back on reaching out, she’s going to lose that hope. Like most normal people, she’ll wonder if it’s even worth it to respond or try to keep the lines of communication open.

As you work through this in therapy, use this site to learn ways to connect with her and make her feel the conversations are interesting enough for her to want to participate.

I have very many articles here on making an emotional connection and building emotional momentum.

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