Question: Yangki, I am confused about my ex’s signals and hope you can clarify things for me. My ex responds fast to my texts but doesn’t seem to want to continue a conversation with me. She broke up with me because she thought our relationship was boring. I don’t know if she wants to talk to me or if I should give her time to warm up to me and talk to her every once in a while.
Yangki’s Answer: I think that part of your confusion is because you are using how quickly she responds as the main measure of interest.
How fast an ex responds is a good sign. It means she’s not giving your texts the “I’ll get to it, when I get to it” attitude. It means she’s at least interested in keeping the lines of communication open. It also means she wants to show that your texts are valued enough for her to respond to right away.
But how fast an ex responds means very little if they are responding just to respond. The speed of a response means even less if your ex is the type of person who responds to everyone when they get a text regardless of interest level.
The true measure of interest is an ex’s emotional engagement. If what you are talking about does not connect emotionally of course the conversations will be far and apart.
The reason she ended the relationship is because she thought your relationship was boring, and it seems that hasn’t changed for her. She may still have feelings for you and that’s why she’s making an effort to keep the lines of communication open. But the conversations are still boring, and that’s why there is no interest.
She’s not going to warm up to you just because you’re talking to her every once in a while, in fact it’ll do exactly the opposite (see: low/limited contact). You have to find ways to connect with her and make her feel the conversations are interesting enough for her to want to particiapate.
See: How to Get Your Ex to Start Initiating Contact and also What Are Some Good Questions to Ask My Ex? In addition, I have very many articles here on making an emotional connection and building emotional momentum.