Question: I’ve been going out with this woman for 3 months now. She told me she wants what she can’t have and that she loves to chase. She asked me to make her chase me more. I find this quite hard to do seeing that I already have her and she knows in the end she will still have me. I hope that makes sense. What can I do to make her feel like she is chasing me?”
Yangki’s Answer: Does it make sense to chase someone you’ve already caught or who has already caught you?” Yes, absolutely.
Before I can go into what you can do to make her feel like she’s chasing you, I’d like to clarify a little bit what she means by “she wants you to make her chase you”.
Remember the first few weeks when you met her and there was that excitement — when the two of you knew that there was some level of attraction there but there was a little bit of mystery because you didn’t know the other person so well? There were moments of suspense when you were waiting to see if the other would call and receiving a phone call or email or msn made the day. Everything felt new, fresh and exciting. Well, what she’s saying to you is that she doesn’t feel that “new, fresh and exciting” thing anymore.
She is saying she wants to feel the stimulation that comes with expecting (because she doesn’t know what you’ll say or do next), being surprised (by something she didn’t know you had in you) and swept off her feet (by a rare man who is also a rare catch). That is the “thrill of the chase”. That’s what she loves and that what she wants from you.
She wants that because your relationship seems to have settled into predictable, same old same old, boring. She feels that she’s “caught you already” because it seems that all she has to say is jump and you say how high. There’s nothing that is a bigger turnoff for both men and women than someone who is too eager to please and then goes ahead to do the same predictable things — same questions, same conversations, same dates — over and over. No suspense, no surprises, no thrill moments and nothing is ever challenging or is new and exciting.
To make her feel like she’s chasing you, you have to give her the challenge and satisfaction of having done something new and different, and accomplished something worthwhile.
Now there all kinds of advice out there on how to give a woman (or man) a challenge and get a reaction from her, and this includes making her jealous, not picking up the phone or answering any emails, always saying you’re busy, ignoring her and stuff. Yes, you will get a reaction from her doing all these things. If the reaction is ever a positive one (mostly it’s negative), it’ll only be very temporal because you cannot sustain a relationship not answering phones or emails, ignoring someone, being too busy that you have no time for them or constantly trying to make them jealous. No relationship will EVER survive with such tactics.
To be able to create truly exciting, meaningful and fulfilling relationship you have to spend time together, show the other that you understand, accept and truly care about them and would be happy with just him or her, and no others. These are the things that create STABILITY — that feeling of “you will always have me”. But stability alone is not enough. It’s like having a really reliable car with no fuel to run it. You need the fuel — that something that gives her the sense that things are “on the move” — fresh, exciting and going somewhere.
What you need to start doing to make her feel like she’s doing something new and different and accomplishing something worthwhile by being with you. This is the principle on which Playing Hard-To-Get (at least the way I teach it) is built upon. If that combination of “accomplishment” is not there, the passion and feeling of “new, fresh and exciting” begins to die off.
1. Create challenges — The challenge needs to be rewarding and satisfying to the person (appeal to the mind, emotions and body in equal proportion, and if possible at the same time), otherwise it’s just too much hard work for little or no reaction. If it doesn’t feel like a challenge to her, you may even get a negative reaction (annoyance, dislike or spitefulness).
2. Throw in thoughtful surprises — say and do things that say you’re a lot more fun to be around and she doesn’t know what she’s missing when she’s not with you. Just when she thinks she’s had you figured out, do something (which is wildly uniquely you) that will leave her literally awestruck and wanting more of where that came from.
3. Keep her always anticipating — This is very different from being secretive, detached, inaccessible, unconcerned, indifferent, stubborn, aloof and sometimes downright cruel — all the things that make the other person very suspicious and unsure about you and the relationship. Keep her (him) anticipating is keeping her (or him) looking forward to something new or different especially when she has no idea it was coming. Any simple thing can be stretched until she is literally begging you to tell or show her what it is because she can’t take it anymore.