We Dated For 4 Months [No Sex] – Can I Get Her Back If She Felt No Spark?

Question: Yangki, is it a false start or a break-up if you were together 4 months, no sex but only cuddling, and she says she can’t be in a relationship because she does not see a future with you. She has had failed relationships before and her last exhusband was abusive towards her. She said no one has ever treated her better than I did and maybe she’ll regret not pursing a relationship with me, but for now she wants to focus on her therapy and addressing her emotional issues. She also said she did not feel the spark with me. Should

I try to get her back or let it go?

Yangki’s Answer: I will go with bad start although I am not sure if anything ever started at all.

Four months with no sex unless it has something to do with “religion” or illness is outside of the norm in today’s (adult) dating world. Also, there is the issue of her not feeling the “spark” with you even after 4 months of being together. Both of this add the element of “not into you (sexually)” into a bad start situation.

Because you treated her better than anyone has she may have sincerely hoped she’d feel the (sexual) spark with you but realized that she probably won’t, and let you go.

Her not being attracted to you sexually could be something to do with you, but it could also be due to her relationship past or some other “issues” in her past.

If it’s something to do with you, and something that you can improve or change, then definitely try making it work before you walk away. Even if it’s something to do with her past and you feel strongly that you want to give it a try knowing the obstacles you must overcome, then give it a try and see what happens. You don’t want to live your life wondering what might have been if you had only tried.

Give yourself a timeframe and some milestones to track any progress.

You can say “I’ll improve or change x and y, then I’ll try to make it work for a month and see if there is any change.” Small timeframes and some milestones are better.

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