Toxic Bonds In On-and-Off Again Relationships

One of the most painful things about a break-up is remembering all the wonderful things your ex said about you. They said you were the most wonderful person they’d ever met and he/she was lucky to have you. And when they said it, it was so very real and you knew they meant it from their heart. But when they broke up with you, all those words seemed to suddenly not mean anything to them. It’s like they had a memory loss or something.

If your ex really meant it when he/she said all those things then why did he/she hurt you?

People have different reasons why they leave everything, even if it’s what they want and walk away.

You may do all the “right” things — be loving, romantic, sexy, supportive etc but ultimately if the person does not feel good about himself/herself (for whatever reason) when with you, none of those things matter. He/she will not want a relationship with you because he/she doesn’t like the relationship he/she has with himself/herself when with you.

And as you may have heard we are a mirror of who we attract — the good and the bad. The good things your ex sees in you are the good parts of him/her he/she probably does or doesn’t openly acknowledge. He/she sees that part of him/her and is attracted to it — in you. But there is also the other part of himself/herself in you (usually sub-conscious) that he/she does not ‘see’ but is energetically drawn to.

Say your ex has a part of him/her that is programmed to “hurt” others. He/she may be consciously or sub-consciously aware of that part of himself/herself and doesn’t like it, but since the sub-conscious is so strong and automatic he/she is drawn to someone he/she can hurt so that he/she is forced to look at the mirror of himself/herself – and hopefully heal that part of himself/herself.

When he/she looks at you he/she sees the parts of himself or herself that he/she doesn’t like. And often times people will lash at the mirror to try and destroy the image of themselves they see, the only problem is that that mirror is a human being with feelings which get hurt.

Does that mean it’s all your ex’s “issues”? Absolutely not!

It’s a dance of two people. You’re drawn to and attractive to the “hurter” who is sub-consciously drawn to someone who they can hurt; and you the person who is vulnerable to hurt is drawn to the person who will hurt you –may be enough to jolt you into consciousness.

You can change the rhythm of the dance by changing your own energy to no longer compliment your ex’s energy in a negative way, but in a positive way.

You do not accomplish this by hitting your head on the wall why? Why? Why? or acting all crazy (overly emotional, pushy, unrelenting, needy, jealous, possessive). Dwelling on negative events and turning them over and over, saying, ‘I messed up, I messed up,’ is feeding those negative feelings the oxygen of attention and the flames keep burning you until you stop supplying the oxygen.

You change your energy by working though your own issues, healing old wounds, and bringing all the broken pieces together.

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