The Words You Use To Communicate With Your Ex Matter – A LOT

All exes not only want to know that you know what you are doing, they also want to be convinced that the relationship will work. They want to know that there will be a pay-off for them trusting you enough to give you another chance.

The words you use to communicate why your ex should trust you enough to give you another chance is more important than most people realize.

The words you use can create unnecessary conflict, escalate already existing feelings of resentment, or they can defuse conflict, prevent an argument, or warm up your ex’s heart, again.

The problem is that when you are needy and clingy, most of the time what you say or do is not received by your ex the way you intended. Often times, the more you try to explain what you actually meant, the more needy and clingy you appear to be. What started as a text to explain a previous misunderstanding ends up with 30 texts that made things worse.

To avoid these kind of “misunderstandings”, identify the ways in which your language contributes to your ex’s defensiveness or resentment towards you. This is not easy as those words you shouldn’t have said often come out in the heat of emotion.

What I’ve found works for my clients is thinking back to a more recent argument, fight or situation that unintentionally went from bad to worse. What did you say that made your ex more defensive or unresponsive? Try to avoid using the same words or tone of voice.

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57 Comments

  • my ex came back a month ago after almost one year breakup. i came across your site several years ago when tying to get back with another ex but ultimately that didnt work out and for good reason. i would never have met the love of my life.

    he ended with me because of my insecurities. i came back to your site and right away started working on me and keeping the lines of communication open. i worked on showing him i was working on me and working on emotionally connecting.

    there were days that i thought it was never going to happen. it was over and he had moved on. but i had invested too much to give up. my chances looked bleak, but anything was possible if I took small progressive steps and never wavered on my love for him. I got that internal motivation and strength from reading your books and site. thank you yangki for all you do!

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