Thank you for your feedback on my post: Men Who Can Show Real Emotions Are Sexier. Reading through the emails, the two common themes/questions that kept popping up are:
1. Why is it so hard for most men to show real emotions, and 2. Do men really need women and do men really need men?
Let’s begin with, why it is so hard for most men to show real emotions.
It’d be nice to pretend that I have ALL men figured out and know exactly why they are the way they are, but I’m too humble to make that claim. Just like women, every man is unique. Why one man is the way he is may not the why another man is the way he is. There are a combination of many things — nature and nurture– that make someone the way he (or she) is.
Some men are raised in families and cultures where the free expression of emotions is accepted and encouraged, and some men are not. Some men by nature prefer and enjoy the company of women and are comfortable with women in general, and as a result have learned to be more comfortable with their own feminine side. Some men are scared of women — and very uncomfortable around them.
My personal observation — and of course me being a tomboy who is very comfortable with men in general, and enjoy more of society’s designated male activities more than female activities — is that all men can and have the ability to show real emotions. Some men just choose not to, others fear to do so because they are not secure in their masculinity, and in some cases (this will not go well with some women), it’s just not safe to be emotionally open around some women. I’m talking about the manipulative, emotionally immature, insecure and emotionally abusive women.
Do men really need women and do women really need men?
“Need’ may be too strong a word, but yes, men need women and women need men. As human beings, we need the balance of feminine and masculine energies to be complete within ourselves and in our relationships, especially with the opposite gender.
So yes, men need women in their lives to see the reflection of their own feminine energies; and women need men in their lives to see the reflection of their own masculine energies.
A man who hangs around only men is more likely to see only a reflection of his “masculine” energy — aggressive, emotionally detached, ambitious, and focused on power and domination. But that’s not the worst part of it. A man who hangs around only men is also more likely to be scared of women, and angry at the fact that women scare the masculinity out of him.
Don’t believe me?
Just visit the “male only” blogs and discussion forums, and you will meet some of the angriest, most sexually frustrated and ignorant (of women) men on earth. They feel so justified in their “hatred” of women and spew their ignorance without even knowing just how little they know about women. And because they are among men who are just like themselves, the poor guys don’t even realize they are their own worst enemies.
Don’t get me wrong. The same things happens in blogs and discussion forums that target “women only”. The juvenile male-bashing and labelling, and the hormonal “they do this to us… men are bad”, is sickening.
To me, in my role as a relationship coach helping men and women connect better, the question is not so much, “Why is it so hard for most men to show real emotions?” because they can if they want to– and learn how to. The bigger question is: WHY DON’T MORE MEN AND MORE WOMEN CONNECT MORE EMOTIONALLY?
The answer is simple. Learn to be emotionally comfortable around each other. Stop the “men/women are different”, which is only another way of saying “different is threatening” or “different is inferior/superior”.
Men and women don’t have to be “enemies”, when being “lovers” is less stressful and frustrating, and more fun and fulfilling!
As I always say: show me a man who truly and genuinely loves women, and a woman who truly and genuinely loves men, and I’ll show you a sexually magnetic and irresistible, vibrant and fulfilled human being.
Like it or not, our relationships with the opposite sex is a reflection of who we really are as men and as women.