The Fearful Avoidant 3-6-9 Month Breakup Timeline

When it comes to getting back with a fearful avoidant ex, the 3-6-9 month timeline is real. If you do not get back together with a fearful avoidant ex 3 months after the breakup, your chances decrease by almost 30% if there’s no post-breakup damage, and 50 – 80% if you continue fighting and hurting each other or doing things that cause more damage to the relationship and connection after the breakup.

One reason why the 3-month mark is important is that when dating, the 3-6-9 month marks represent a turning point in a relationship. A relationship is considered to have “moved too fast” if it does not follow the 3-6-9 month marks (or close to it).

The 3-month mark is when most dating games stop and most people go official, signaling that they’re now a couple. The 3-months mark is also when most new relationships end. If you are able to move past 3 months without breaking up, your emotional bond will grow stronger.

The 6-month mark is is when most people feel they know someone enough and decide that the relationship has or doesn’t have long-term potential. If by 6 months the relationship hasn’t progressed or is having many relationship problems, it’s a sign that things will likely get worse and not better.

The 9 – months mark is when most couples start planning a future together.

Fearful avoidant exes 3 months after the breakup

The 3-month mark is significant with fearful avoidant exes because 3 months after the breakup is when most fearful avoidant deactivate, and many fearful avoidant exes move on or start new relationships 3 months after the breakup. Some fearful avoidants move on or rebound sooner, but even then it takes on average 3 months for the new relationship to get serious.

And when fearful avoidant exes ask for space and time (with or without contact) after the breakup, they usually ask for 1- 3 months. Fearful avoidants who want to take things slow also often ask to be friends first for 3 months and see where things go.

The 3-month mark doesn’t apply to all fearful avoidants since not all of fearful avoidants are the same and not all relationships are the same, but if you want a fearful avoidant ex back, try to get them back within 3 months of the break-up. This is when you have the best chance.

The main mistakes that I’ve found time and time again make most people trying to get back with a fearful avoidant miss the 3-month mark are:

Mistake #1: You went no contact after the breakup

You thought giving a fearful avoidant lots of space would make them feel safe and want to come back but any time you spend in no contact takes days and weeks from the 3-month mark. The initial response when you reached out may have been positive, but after a while you will notice that it seems that every day you are growing further and further apart. Your fearful avoidant ex still responds to your texts every once in a while but says very little, they may have even agreed to meet once or twice, but nothing seems to work. You have been giving them lots of space, reaching out every week or every other week.

Mistake # 2: You’re still making them feel unsafe

You want to talk about the breakup, and want answers and explanations but all a fearful avoidant ex sees is the pressure, arguments, fights and drama in the relationship is still on-going and they try to avoid it as much as possible even to the extent of blocking you.

Mistake #3: You asked to get back too soon

You think the breakup shouldn’t have happened and tried to get back with a fearful avoidant ex right away, or you gave them a few, maybe 1 – 3 weeks of space and reached out wanting to get back together. They said no, you pushed they said no, but you kept pushing and they now say you will never get back together. But when you reach out, your avoidant ex responds. They respond to everything except talk about getting back together.

Mistake #4: You let them do all the initiating contact

You want to give a fearful avoidant space and think not initiating contact will make them feel in control and subsequently safe. If you are lucky, a fearful avoidant reaches out, but the contacts are so far apart that you are barely communicating. You trying to hold onto hope because a fearful avoidant is reaching out, but you know, and you can feel it in your core that a short text every week or few weeks isn’t a good sign.

Mistake #4: You are counting how many days to reach out

You are paying so much attention, overly focused and becoming obsessed with how many days you should wait to reach out. You feel that if you could just time your reach outs right, get a fearful avoidant at the right time and say the right thing, you would be on track to get back together. But as soon as you think you have a fearful avoidant’s pattern of responding right, they change it. They were responding after a day, then they didn’t respond for 5 days. You thought that was their new pattern and started reaching out every 5 day, then they start responding every 3 days, and so forth.

The good news is, even with one or two of these mistakes, you still have a good 70% chance of getting back a fearful avoidant if you can emotionally connect and strengthen your bond, avoid past issues, ensure that there is consistent flow of good energy and good feelings and show your fearful avoidant ex that you have changed and the new relationship will be safer, much healthier and work better than the old relationship.

Fearful avoidant exes 6 months after the breakup

If you miss the 3 months window to get a fearful avoidant ex but things are getting better between the two of you, you will see a fearful avoidant’s engagement increase. They start to reach out more, are more open to meeting and hanging out and even dating. They may still say they are not ready to come back or are not sure about what they want (it’s the nature of a fearful avoidant attachment style to self-doubt and second guess their decisions), but generally you are on the track to getting back together, if things continue to pick up and momentum is good.

But if by the 6-month mark there’s still little to no emotional connection or momentum, past issues keep coming up, new issues have developed, a fearful avoidant still doesn’t want to meet, or is pulling further and further away, your chances don’t look good.

Again, you can still turn things around and pull an amazing comeback, but it’s going to require a lot healthier connecting and safety-providing for a fearful avoidant ex to want to come back after 6 moths of things not picking up and/or no momentum.

Fearful avoidant exes 9 months after the breakup

The 9-month mark is what I call the alarm-going off. The alarm is going off because your chances have dropped to 0 – 10% but also because nine months after the breakup, very few people are still trying to get back together. Most people lose hope and don’t feel like reaching out. Some people even become resentful and others loss attraction.

But it’s also at the 9-month mark that some fearful avoidant exes who had stopped responding, had moved on or were dating someone new start reaching out. Like most anxiously attached, you are pleasantly surprised. Your fearful avoidant ex still thinks of you, missed you and “came back”… but hold that thought.

A fearful avoidant who reaches out 9 months after the breakup is not trying to come back, unless they are reaching out to specifically say they want to come back. In my experience, most fearful avoidant who reaches out 6-9 months after no contact are just making sure they didn’t make a mistake breaking up or sabotaging the relationship. Remember I said it’s the nature of a fearful avoidant attachment style to self-doubt and second guess their decisions, this is what’s going on.

If the first few interactions confirm to them that they made the right decision breaking up, they’ll stop responding again and never reach out again. But if things this time around feel different and are better, a fearful avoidant will stick around. They may not consistent and go hot and cold for  few months, but it’s a sing that they’re still hoping that the relationship can work. You may even see them start to love bomb you and/or chase you.


What’s The Window Of Time To Get Back A Fearful Avoidant?

How A Fearful Avoidant Ex Comes Back – A Detailed Analysis

Why It Takes A Fearful Avoidant Ex Long To Come Back

What To Expect From Self-Aware Fearful Avoidant Exes

What Exes Who Got Their Ex Back By Being Friends Do Right

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