If you are trying to get back your ex, you should and must put more effort into making an emotional connection.
It’s okay for you (depending on the stage you are in the process) to communicate your emotions from time to time but it shouldn’t be the focus of your interactions.
It’s not something I advise to do in the very initial stages. Hold on to your emotions, until you are confident your ex wants to hear/know how you feel.
Instead focus more of your efforts on making an emotional connection.
It’s not uncommon, in the very initial stages of the process to struggle with emotionally connecting with an ex. Your ex like most may be guarded for a number of reasons and blocking your attempts to emotionally connect. But you should still try.
Needless to say, emotionally connecting via text is not easy even with the use of emoticons. That’s why it’s important to always reach further into what you know about your ex and trigger emotions that make a connection.
Always remember, emotional connection is simply two people feeling the same emotions at the same time. That is, you are connected by an emotion or set of emotions in real time.
For example if the emotion you want to trigger and connect to is your ex’s joy or happiness, it’s not enough to say “I am happy for you” , or if the emotion you want to trigger and connect to is your ex’s sadness about something, it’s not enough to say , “That’s sad” .
Always try to reach further into what you know about the circumstances, thoughts, and feelings surrounding the event and bring to life the emotion you are want to trigger and connect to.
- “I am happy for you. You missed your niece’s birthday for that project. Now you can buy her the iphone your promised her.”
- “That’s sad. Doug and Em had their problems but divorce is always hard on everyone. How are the children dealing with the news? It must be harder for Zach, he’s only 11.”
This reminds your ex, without being too intrusive or trying too hard that at some point, the two of you talked about the project they’re telling you about or about Doug and Em – and had an emotional connection.
Pleasant emotions elicit pleasant feelings. This doesn’t mean you can’t connect on emotions that are less pleasant. For example, if you lost a job you liked, putting a happy spin on the emotional event can be confusing to your ex. The normal reaction to losing a job you like is sadness but if you are sending LOLs and making jokes to appear “light, relaxed and happy”, your ex will not know how to think or respond.
Make it a habit to before hitting the SEND button, ask yourself, Am I “emotionally connecting” or just “communicating my emotions”?.
If you are in regular contact with your ex but struggling to sustain conversations or make an emotional connection, I can help review your text messages, your ex’s responses and tweak your next response to create the kind of emotional impact that will help you not only sustain conversations but also create strong emotional attraction.