Stop Pushing Your Ex Into The Arms Of The Rebound

There are four common ways many men and woman try to attract back an ex who wants to keep the lines of communication open or is showing interest in getting back together but is also dating or in a relationship with a new man or woman.

1. Give them an ultimatum

Ultimatums with an ex are usually a very bad idea. Even though your ex might feel love and want to be with you, the last thing they want is to be backed into a corner, forced to make a decision they are not ready to make or to be made to feel powerless. Their reaction is usually to fight back by distancing, act passive aggressive or make you believe they ended the other relationship when they haven’t.

2. Make them jealous

Mind games in general are like setting up your own trap for hurt and pain. First of all, manipulation tactics don’t work on all people. Most people can see through that kind of trap and walk the other way (into the new man or woman). Secondly, you may end up with someone who is with you in body only but their mind, heart and soul are with someone else.

3. Use sex as a bargaining chip 

“If you don’t get back with me I am not having sex with you” is as dumb as it sounds. It implies you don’t want to have sex with your ex or don’t enjoy having sex with them and only doing it to get them back. That’s low self-worth right there. Most people who value themselves have sex with people they want to have sex with and enjoy having sex with.

Even worse, it does not matter whether you end up back together or go your separate ways, your ex will always have a low opinion of you – a few levels above someone who sells it for money.

4. Say negative things about the other man or woman

Many people unfortunately believe that the way to rise above the competition is devalue the competition. This may work in a business setting but when the heart and emotions are involved, putting down, calling names or making derogatory remarks about the other man or woman may actually increase the competition’s attractiveness.

Here’s is the thing, when you say negative things about the person your ex is attracted to:

1) Your ex will feel personally attacked for their choice of man or woman and may take the side of the other person just to show you they have the right to choose who they are attracted to.

2) You are showing your lack of confidence in your own attractiveness as a partner. But worse, you are forcing your ex to compare the two of you side by side, something they do not want to do or think is fair to do. You are the ex with baggage and the other person is brand new, still exciting and may not be saying “bad ” things about you, who do you think your ex will likely choose?

Let’s face it, trying to attract back an ex who is dating someone new (or even gone back to a previous ex) is not easy. When an ex is single, they have relationship needs that can only be met by being in a relationship. They may be seeing new people but finding it hard (or have no real desire) to date or start a new relationship. They are ripe for the picking. But when an ex is dating someone new or in a relationship, their relationship needs are being met by the new man or woman. They are not sitting all by themselves wishing they were in a relationship or missing being in a relationship – or even missing you.

Is it worth the trouble? That’s up to you to decide. What I can tell you for sure is that if you have that jealous streak and have it strong, you’re better of just walking away, and finding yourself someone else.

If you have made up your mind that you are going to try to attract your ex back, even though they are in a new relationship that’s not serious (remember, not all relationships post break-up are necessarily rebounds), you have to come to terms with the fact that you are going to have to be the “bigger” person. But more importantly, you have to have a plan for how you are going to show your ex that you are the “better” option, without putting pressure on them to make a decision they are not ready to make.

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  1. says: Phyllis

    This was fantastic… I searched “ultimatum” and got a GREAT answer from you about why NOT to do it, and your thoughts about sex… and just in time as things are starting to heat up again, thank you! 🙂

  2. says: Joe molinari

    Following your instructions I have seen major improvement , she is dating someone however spends a lot of time with me at night texting and contacts me 2 or 3 xs a week. It hurts when she tells me she will be with him. I’m staying strong. Does it look good for me at this stage ?

    1. It depends on what it is you talk about… if you’re making an impact emotionally… and if you’re changing her perception of you (romantically).

      Sometimes, it can be progress towards getting back together and sometimes, it can be the beginning of a strong platonic friendship.

      There are articles on here which help tell if you’re falling in the friend-zone and if so, how to extract yourself.

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