A few years back, a reader wrote me complaining that it was ‘weird’ that the first part of an eBook (Dating Your Ex) that’s about getting your ex back is about whether or not you should try to get your ex back.
I told her there was a good reason for that. Of course I never heard back from her and don’t know if my answer made sense to her as it does to me.
The reason I think it’s important to address whether or not you should try to get your ex back BEFORE you try to is because it’s one thing to get back your ex, and another thing to be back together and 1) make the relationship work and/or 2) continue to be happy that you are back together.
Many men and women don’t ask themselves the make the relationship work and continue to be happy that you are back together part. They just want their ex back, period.
With the help of the advice in the book, they get their ex back, and they think it’s done. Mission accomplished!
Many never talk through why the relationship ended the last time or how the relationship is going to work moving forward. Soon or later, they realize 1) they can’t make the relationship work and/or 2) they are not happy even after getting back together. They break-up again.
You spent all that time, energy, emotion and money getting your ex back, and now it seems that is was a waste. But you don’t want to give up. You love your ex. He/she means a lot to you. And may be your ex loves you, and you mean a lot to them.
So you go back to working on yourself to become a better you. If only you changed enough. If only you were “better”.
You make more changes. Become a better you. And of course, you pull out dear old Dating Your Ex eBook and start reading my articles like crazy. You say to yourself “It worked the last time, it can work this time again”. And you are right, within a few weeks, you are making progress… again (if I may say so myself, I give the best advice… uh-um!).
BUT is it really worth it? Is it worth going through the whole process of getting back your ex, again?
Isn’t it smarter to ask yourself the right questions about what you are about to do BEFORE you do it?
As I say in Dating You Ex, getting your ex back is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. You are about to put your heart on the line in a situation rife with intense emotions, and you could get hurt AGAIN. Don’t you want to know if it’s worth it, or not?
In many cases, the answer is YES. It’s absolutely worth it, and some. But of course you knew I’d say that. I wrote one of the best books on “how to attract back your ex” ( I am on a narcissistic trip as you can see. Works for a certain President… thought I’d try it… ;))
But sometimes… sometimes, it’s not worth it.
There are so many reasons why trying to get back your ex may not be for you. Let me name a few…
- Your ex is narcissistic and/or your relationship is toxic (more pain than joy).
- You are too different that you find yourselves disagreeing and fighting all the time – and saying hurtful things to each other (the love is gone).
- Your ex has “problems” or issues that you can’t do anything about and they don’t want to do anything about it either (e.g alcohol, drugs, depression, debt, unemployment, lack of life direction etc).
- You know the relationship won’t work but want your ex because you don’t want to be alone (you are thinking, ‘a bad relationship is better than being alone’).
- You’ve reached the point of stalking your ex and your ex is scared of you and what you might do.
- Your ex is getting serious with someone else.
As much as you want the relationship to work, it just will not because even the best advice/books/articles can’t magically change certain things about your relationship, and there is only so much “change” you can do to make a relationship work. This is why I insist in the book that you do an evaluation of your relationship BEFORE you commit to the process of getting back your ex.
Truth be told… some exes are not meant to be got back. They are meant to be let go.