10 Signs Your Ex Is Becoming Interested Again

There are some true and tested signs that say an ex is becoming interested again. However, if your ex is talking to you gain, warming up to you and slowly opening up again, but they have not directly said anything to suggest they want you back, it’s hard to tell whether this are true signs your ex is interested again and slowly coming back, or if it is all in your head.

Some signs are obvious signs that show your ex is interested again, others are subtle and others are specific to the relationship or ex.

1. Your ex is open to regular contact

If our conversations go from randomly reaching out to communicating regularly over a period of time, it is a sign that your ex is becoming interested again. It does not mean your ex wants you back, it just means they are comfortable having you in their daily life – and this is always a good sign.

2. Your ex is emotionally engaged

If your conversations go from surface-level topics (how are you? how’s your day? how’s work? etc) to personal topics that include your lives, the people and things you both care about, everyday life or future plans or information they previously did not share with you, this is a good sign that your ex is becoming interested in whats going on in your life and by inference becoming interested in you again.

3. Your ex is initiating contact

An ex who is not interested will not initiate contact. They will respond politely but will not reach out because reaching out shows interest. So if you’re the one who has been initiating contact, your ex starting to initiate contact (regularly) is a good sign that they are warming up to you and taking responsibility for keeping communication going. The exception is if your ex initiates contact because they want favours, only for emotional support or sex.

4. Your ex is asking questions about your dating life

Your ex is asking questions about how you are spending your time and/or if you are dating someone else is a strong sing that they never stopped being interested or are becoming interested again. They are trying to figure out if you are still available and/or if you’re still interested in them.

5. Your ex is teasing and/or flirting with you

This is sign an ex is becoming interested again only if things have been quite tense in the past. It means that things have moved to a more emotionally safe zone. If either of you is a natural tease or flirt, it doesn’t mean much. Natural flirts tease and flirt whether they are interested in getting back together or not. It doesn’t mean anything if one or both of you see sex as the goal of the teasing/flirting.

6. Your ex is open to face-to-face interaction

If you’ve been in contact via text, email or phone calls, moving things to face-to-face meeting is an encouraging sign of an ex becoming interested again. It does not mean they want to get back together (yet), it just means you’re both comfortable being in each other’s personal space.

7. Your ex is comfortable with physical touch

The amount and degree of physical contact suggests a level of comfort with each other. This however is a little tricky as ex-sex can be very tempting even for people who have no intention of getting back together. Don’t assume that because your ex is getting all “hot” for you that they are emotionally warming up to you as well. The amount of physical touch should match the level of emotional connection, otherwise your ex may just want sex only.

8. Your ex is letting you in on their emotions

This is probably the most telling of all signs that an ex is becoming interested again. The tone, content, depth and emotion in your conversations is measure of your ex’s interest. I am not talking about the emotions or feelings about how they feel about you or getting back together. The emotions is letting you on their joys, upsets, frustrations, stress, confusion, etc. This is a sign that they feel emotionally safe around you. Feeling emotionally safe with you is a pre-requisite for getting back together.

9. Your ex is not trying to push you away

Listen for words like “remain friends”, “I don’t want us to hate each other”, “whatever happens”, “I only wish the best for you”, “You’re a special, any person would be lucky to have you”, etc. These are words common with exes who want to remain “friendly” but not looking to get back together and those looking for closure and getting ready to move on. It’s not always the case, but more often than not.

10. Your ex talks about a future with you in it

If your ex is mentioning things that suggest that you will be in contact or in each other’s lives for a while, this is a sign of interest. It doesn’t mean they are necessarily thinking of getting back together, but that they are not planning on cutting you off anytime soon. It is a sing that they may be leaving the door open for the possibility that they may change their mind as time goes on.

All this said, always remember until you’ve had the “let’s get back together” talk, you’re officially not back together. Interest is just that… interest.

Treat this whole experience as “Dating Your Ex”. It’s like you’re just starting dating only this time it’s someone you’ve dated and had a relationship with before.

Take it slow and see where it leads. Make sure you are not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend a broken relationship).

But most importantly, keep working on yourself. The more centered, confident and positive your vibe, the more relaxed and attractive you’re to him.

RELATED:

How A Fearful Avoidant Ex Comes Back – A Detailed Analysis

What Makes A Dismissive Avoidant Ex Miss You And Come Back?

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160 Comments

  1. says: Summer

    Yangki, As you advice, I stopped focusing on how often to text him and started focusing on his emotions and I think there is some progress. For example, he used to respond to my text messages with one worded answers and now he writes 2 – 3 sentences and is actually giving me more information about his life. In return I respond to his bids for emotional connection. Do you think I am reading too much into this small change?

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      No, you are not reading too much into it. It’s a small change but a significant one …:)

      Keep returning his bids for emotional connection, and at some point start sending your own, so that there is momentum. Otherwise things will stagnate and/or go back to one word answers. All the best

  2. says: Brian

    My ex and I (of 5+ years) split about 8 months ago, remained in contact, and kept good momentum going since then. Primary issues were clinginess on my part, and lacking communication of our needs on both ends. We kept hanging out as friends, and were very, very close even when broken up. We’ve recently officially started dating again, though we are not “a couple” yet. I guess you could say we’re testing things out before re-committing. He was the one who broke it off, and was also the one who initiated this current arrangement.

    Do you have any advice for how to navigate this stage of starting our new relationship? I’ve still been noticing some push-pull behavior, and he’s admitting he isn’t 100% sold (since he isn’t completely convinced things will be different, but he feels it is absolutely worth trying). I have no doubt we love each other very much, and we’re so close. I really believe we can make it. I owe a lot of my growth that brought us here to your page. So even if you don’t have any specific advice, thank you very much.

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      I am happy for you Brian…:) It’s not easy getting to where things are for you… and that he feels it is absolutely worth trying is a good sign. If you have my book, go to the section on the “The New Relationship”. Under it there are sub-sections on 1) Getting it right (p453), 2) Getting your ex on board (p460) and 3) Give-and-take dynamic (p468). I think it’ll get you started on a stronger foundation. You might also want to look at the part on “nuts and bolts of being a couple again.

      And since you are sort of testing the waters, I also recommend “The Trial Period (p407), just to make sure you are doing it right.

      If you need further assistance, I am happy to work with you, one-on-one and guide you through the process.

  3. says: Tray44

    First of all I want to say thank you so much for your book and site. I was doing NC but after buying your book, I texted her with a “just wanted to say hello”. She replied immediately saying it was good to hear from me. We have been talking 3-4 times a week mostly catching up and me mostly initiating it and asking her about her life and giving her hints about me becoming a better person. Yesterday I asked her out to lunch and she responded thanking me but said may be sometime down the road. I emailed her back saying that’ll be great. She emailed back “Let’s keep in touch”. My question is, how should I proceed from here?

    1. Congratulations on getting this far. Asking her out was probably too early in the process but she did say “may be sometime down the road” and not “never” (or worse), so that’s good. She also said “let’s keep in touch.” I suggest you just continue as you’ve been doing, initiating contact and making that emotional connection. When there is more momentum, ask her out again. In other words, nothing has been negatively affected by the too soon invite.

  4. says: Chris

    I am glad I found this page, my now ex Girlfriend who I love very much and I made the mistake of walking away. She is messaging me on Facebook everyday or every few days. I get the feeling she wants to try again though she is in a Rebound at the moment. I thought about No Contact, but that seemed to be counter productive to me. I am curious, should I let her keep First Contacting me though she says she wants to be friends I suspect she wants more than that. My situation was Long Distance, I’m in the US and she is from Czech Republic.

    1. You might want to do a search on articles on “rebound relationships”. You will find almost similar situations and my responses to a lot of questions about exes who seem interested but are in other relationships (which may or may not necessarily be a rebound).

  5. says: Paul

    Yangki, what about if your ex texts you about good memories of when you were dating and says she misses the good old days. What exactly does she mean? Does it mean she’s thinking about us and may be wants to get back together?

    1. It may or may not mean she wants to get back together. I don’t have the details of what else is going on to be able to say one way or the other.

      If you have been in contact, going out on dates and things are moving along well, it may be reminding her of what it’s like to be in a relationship with you.

      If the text came when there has been no contact for a while, it may mean just that… she misses the good old days, or it could also be her trying to find out if you are still thinking about her. If this is the case, I’d be very weary. People who do this “remote” contact thing, are either mind game players or not very good communicators. Both make being in a relationship with them hard.

  6. says: Kristi

    This is very helpful. I thought my ex was just being friendly, but after reading this, I can see some of the signs he’s interested.

  7. says: Athena

    Yangki, I’ve been following your book and contacting my ex in the morning or around lunch when I know he’s not stressed. I wait until I’m calm and not stressing out if he will answer or not before replying. I think I’m doing well so far. The other day he initiated contact after midnight said he was on his way back home and felt like talking to me. We talked for 23 minutes. I feel like there is emotional momentum what do you think?

  8. says: Merrier

    First and foremost I want to thank you for your great blog and book. I have seen some of the signs you mention from my ex. She is interested in my life and asking questions, which is out of character for her. We flirt quite a bit and I can definitely say things are different between us. The only concern I have is that she only wants to text. I told her we should also talk on the phone but she said she does not like talking on the phone and that is just the way she is. I do not know how to keep this going if we only communicate by text.

    1. Because she said that is just the way she is, I’m assuming that she also did not like talking on the phone when you were together. If I’m right, then you have to accept that you will have to try to get her back just through text, and hopefully face to face meetings.

      Trying to force her to do what she does not like will undo all the progress you’ve made. It’s not ideal, but it can be done.

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