There are some true and tested signs that say an ex is becoming interested again. However, if your ex is talking to you gain, warming up to you and slowly opening up again, but they have not directly said anything to suggest they want you back, it’s hard to tell whether this are true signs your ex is interested again and slowly coming back, or if it is all in your head.
Some signs are obvious signs that show your ex is interested again, others are subtle and others are specific to the relationship or ex and some are just an ex breadcrumbing you.
1. Your ex is open to regular contact
If our conversations go from randomly reaching out to communicating regularly over a period of time, it is a sign that your ex is becoming interested again. It does not mean your ex wants you back, it just means they are comfortable having you in their daily life – and this is always a good sign.
2. Your ex is emotionally engaged
If your conversations go from surface-level topics (how are you? how’s your day? how’s work? etc) to personal topics that include your lives, the people and things you both care about, everyday life or future plans or information they previously did not share with you, this is a good sign that your ex is becoming interested in whats going on in your life and by inference becoming interested in you again.
3. Your ex is initiating contact
An ex who is not interested will not initiate contact. They will respond politely but will not reach out because reaching out shows interest. So if you’re the one who has been initiating contact, your ex starting to initiate contact (regularly) is a good sign that they are warming up to you and taking responsibility for keeping communication going. The exception is if your ex initiates contact because they want favours, only for emotional support or sex.
4. Your ex is asking questions about your dating life
Your ex is asking questions about how you are spending your time and/or if you are dating someone else is a strong sing that they never stopped being interested or are becoming interested again. They are trying to figure out if you are still available and/or if you’re still interested in them.
5. Your ex is teasing and/or flirting with you
This is sign an ex is becoming interested again only if things have been quite tense in the past. It means that things have moved to a more emotionally safe zone. If either of you is a natural tease or flirt, it doesn’t mean much. Natural flirts tease and flirt whether they are interested in getting back together or not. It doesn’t mean anything if one or both of you see sex as the goal of the teasing/flirting.
6. Your ex is open to face-to-face interaction
If you’ve been in contact via text, email or phone calls, moving things to face-to-face meeting is an encouraging sign of an ex becoming interested again. It does not mean they want to get back together (yet), it just means you’re both comfortable being in each other’s personal space.
7. Your ex is comfortable with physical touch
The amount and degree of physical contact suggests a level of comfort with each other. This however is a little tricky as ex-sex can be very tempting even for people who have no intention of getting back together. Don’t assume that because your ex is getting all “hot” for you that they are emotionally warming up to you as well. The amount of physical touch should match the level of emotional connection, otherwise your ex may just want sex only.
8. Your ex is letting you in on their emotions
This is probably the most telling of all signs that an ex is becoming interested again. The tone, content, depth and emotion in your conversations is measure of your ex’s interest. I am not talking about the emotions or feelings about how they feel about you or getting back together. The emotions is letting you on their joys, upsets, frustrations, stress, confusion, etc. This is a sign that they feel emotionally safe around you. Feeling emotionally safe with you is a pre-requisite for getting back together.
9. Your ex is not trying to push you away
Listen for words like “remain friends”, “I don’t want us to hate each other”, “whatever happens”, “I only wish the best for you”, “You’re a special, any person would be lucky to have you”, etc. These are words common with exes who want to remain “friendly” but not looking to get back together and those looking for closure and getting ready to move on. It’s not always the case, but more often than not.
10. Your ex talks about a future with you in it
If your ex is mentioning things that suggest that you will be in contact or in each other’s lives for a while, this is a sign of interest. It doesn’t mean they are necessarily thinking of getting back together, but that they are not planning on cutting you off anytime soon. It is a sing that they may be leaving the door open for the possibility that they may change their mind as time goes on.
All this said, always remember until you’ve had the “let’s get back together” talk, you’re officially not back together. Interest is just that… interest.
Treat this whole experience as “Dating Your Ex”. It’s like you’re just starting dating only this time it’s someone you’ve dated and had a relationship with before.
Take it slow and see where it leads. Make sure you are not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend a broken relationship).
But most importantly, keep working on yourself. The more centered, confident and positive your vibe, the more relaxed and attractive you’re to him.
RELATED:
12 Signs Your Ex Is Breadcrumbing You Vs. Taking It Slow
Your advice works. He has agreed to give the relationship another chance. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’m happy for you… 🙂
All the VERY BEST!!!!!
So, what is the best thing you can do when the ex is slowly warming up to you but you’re still unsure if they are actually regaining interest?
Take it slow and see where it leads. Do not worry whether or not they’re responding in time. Just make sure you’re not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend/recover a broken relationship).
First, your ebook is amazing. I’ve been following your advice to the t, persistently pushing but not too pushy. Now here is the tricky part, following your ebook, I sent him an email asking if he’d like to meet for coffee. He immediately sent a text back saying “I’ll do you better. Coffee and a walk by the park” and added a smiley face. This is what we always did when we were together. I don’t want to become too hopeful and push him away and also I’m a little scared that may be things are moving too fast. You did say to watch for this kind of situations because sometimes things can go too fast and end up going wrong too quickly. What do you think?
I think…. GREAT! …(:
Go for coffee and walk, and see what happens. The going too fast to no good is if this is your first face to face meeting and you end up heavy making-out or even having sex. While it might not matter so much (you’ve done it before, no surprises there), you don’t want it to be “the goal” of why he met you. As I write in the eBook, always leave the “there will be a next time” last impression.
Other than that… have fun, and don’t worry too much about pushing him away. If you’re following the advice in the eBook, you won’t!
You’re right. I do believe she is in love with me and all her other actions say so. I let my own insecurities get in the way. It’s time I show her I’m over it and want her in my life. I’ll keep you updated.
I read the link you provided to the above commentor and it was very helpful. In my case the pulling away started from me. All the signs were there until she told me she had sex with another guy while we were broken up. I should have handled it better when she told me but I just couldn’t get my mind past her cheating and betrayal and kept pushing and pushing for details. Now we seem to have gone back to one text a day or none at all. Can things go back to the point where she’s interested again? How? Btw, she’s 39 and I’m 31.
Yes, things can go back to the point where she’s interested again. What she needs is for you to show that you have moved on from it. You broke it off with her and she was probably trying to move on the best way she knew how to. Now you’re back together, it’s obvious that she’s wants to be with you and not him. So either you do the grown up thing and see this for what it is and that is, she did not cheat on you and she did not betray you (you were NOT in a relationship when it happened), or let her go and go your separate ways, which is a shame since there are many people who’d give anything to get an ex interested again.
Yangki, you have really opened my eyes to so many things I had done wrong in my relationship and was continuing to do wrong trying to get my ex back. He felt neglected and taken for granted and I blamed him for ending things rather than working on us. Reading your articles and book, I realized that he did not make a “mistake” breaking up with me, he had very good reasons for doing so.
I have been showing him I care about him enough to be willing to change. In the last month we have become closer. We even hang out 2-3 times a week and having dinner tomorrow night. I just wanted to say, thank you for being the wise and compassionate teacher that you are.
I am happy for you… :).
Keep us updated.
I recently started talking to my ex again after 8 months. It started out innocent, I reached out to him because i heard he lost his mother. He responded right away and we sent texts for two weeks before we eventually decided to meet in person. There were obviously feelings still there because we flirted with each other and reminisced. He has initiated contact a few times now and we plan to go out again. What do you think, interest or My questions is, is there interest or is it too early to tell for my situation?
It’s too early to tell for sure, but it’s a good start.
Sometimes people who still have feelings for each other when they meet up again after a long time tend move a little too fast then things abruptly stop once the excitement of “coming together again” wears off. See what happens in the next few weeks… if things continue to progress.
My ex and I recently started communicating again. We’ve mostly talked about our lives and mutual friends. The other day he said something about how we used to love going to this coffee place. I was surprised because I thought he did not want to talk about the relationship. Does this mean that he is remembering the relationship and missing what we had? Could it be that he wants me back? It’s been 8 months since he broke up with me.
It’s natural for an ex to remember the good things about the relationship and even say they miss those things. But it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re interested in re-igniting the relationship. You’d have to see a lot more “interest’ than this to conclude he wants you back.