There are some true and tested signs that say an ex is becoming interested again. However, if your ex is talking to you gain, warming up to you and slowly opening up again, but they have not directly said anything to suggest they want you back, it’s hard to tell whether this are true signs your ex is interested again and slowly coming back, or if it is all in your head.
Some signs are obvious signs that show your ex is interested again, others are subtle and others are specific to the relationship or ex and some are just an ex breadcrumbing you.
1. Your ex is open to regular contact
If our conversations go from randomly reaching out to communicating regularly over a period of time, it is a sign that your ex is becoming interested again. It does not mean your ex wants you back, it just means they are comfortable having you in their daily life – and this is always a good sign.
2. Your ex is emotionally engaged
If your conversations go from surface-level topics (how are you? how’s your day? how’s work? etc) to personal topics that include your lives, the people and things you both care about, everyday life or future plans or information they previously did not share with you, this is a good sign that your ex is becoming interested in whats going on in your life and by inference becoming interested in you again.
3. Your ex is initiating contact
An ex who is not interested will not initiate contact. They will respond politely but will not reach out because reaching out shows interest. So if you’re the one who has been initiating contact, your ex starting to initiate contact (regularly) is a good sign that they are warming up to you and taking responsibility for keeping communication going. The exception is if your ex initiates contact because they want favours, only for emotional support or sex.
4. Your ex is asking questions about your dating life
Your ex is asking questions about how you are spending your time and/or if you are dating someone else is a strong sing that they never stopped being interested or are becoming interested again. They are trying to figure out if you are still available and/or if you’re still interested in them.
5. Your ex is teasing and/or flirting with you
This is sign an ex is becoming interested again only if things have been quite tense in the past. It means that things have moved to a more emotionally safe zone. If either of you is a natural tease or flirt, it doesn’t mean much. Natural flirts tease and flirt whether they are interested in getting back together or not. It doesn’t mean anything if one or both of you see sex as the goal of the teasing/flirting.
6. Your ex is open to face-to-face interaction
If you’ve been in contact via text, email or phone calls, moving things to face-to-face meeting is an encouraging sign of an ex becoming interested again. It does not mean they want to get back together (yet), it just means you’re both comfortable being in each other’s personal space.
7. Your ex is comfortable with physical touch
The amount and degree of physical contact suggests a level of comfort with each other. This however is a little tricky as ex-sex can be very tempting even for people who have no intention of getting back together. Don’t assume that because your ex is getting all “hot” for you that they are emotionally warming up to you as well. The amount of physical touch should match the level of emotional connection, otherwise your ex may just want sex only.
8. Your ex is letting you in on their emotions
This is probably the most telling of all signs that an ex is becoming interested again. The tone, content, depth and emotion in your conversations is measure of your ex’s interest. I am not talking about the emotions or feelings about how they feel about you or getting back together. The emotions is letting you on their joys, upsets, frustrations, stress, confusion, etc. This is a sign that they feel emotionally safe around you. Feeling emotionally safe with you is a pre-requisite for getting back together.
9. Your ex is not trying to push you away
Listen for words like “remain friends”, “I don’t want us to hate each other”, “whatever happens”, “I only wish the best for you”, “You’re a special, any person would be lucky to have you”, etc. These are words common with exes who want to remain “friendly” but not looking to get back together and those looking for closure and getting ready to move on. It’s not always the case, but more often than not.
10. Your ex talks about a future with you in it
If your ex is mentioning things that suggest that you will be in contact or in each other’s lives for a while, this is a sign of interest. It doesn’t mean they are necessarily thinking of getting back together, but that they are not planning on cutting you off anytime soon. It is a sing that they may be leaving the door open for the possibility that they may change their mind as time goes on.
All this said, always remember until you’ve had the “let’s get back together” talk, you’re officially not back together. Interest is just that… interest.
Treat this whole experience as “Dating Your Ex”. It’s like you’re just starting dating only this time it’s someone you’ve dated and had a relationship with before.
Take it slow and see where it leads. Make sure you are not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend a broken relationship).
But most importantly, keep working on yourself. The more centered, confident and positive your vibe, the more relaxed and attractive you’re to him.
RELATED:
12 Signs Your Ex Is Breadcrumbing You Vs. Taking It Slow
How come I just found this site? I spent 2 weeks on some ‘recover your ex girlfriend” site and every reply to comment questions is “first thing you need to do is go into a no contact “ WTF!
I don’t want to do no contact. My ex suffers from extreme anxiety, one that she ends up in ER and the thought of doing no contact makes me sick. She has been through so much in her 27 years and even though she broke up with me, I am not angry with her and will not punish her for doing what was best for her. I am her best friend and she is mine, we care about each other not go out of our way to hurt the other.
She knows I want her back but she wants to be friends for now, and that’s OK. I know in my heart she and I are meant to be together and will find our way back to each other. Right now, we both have personal issues we need to deal with. I m just beyond excited to have found advice that echoes how I feel. Thank you, Yangki
Thank you, back at you!
Your advice works. He has agreed to give the relationship another chance. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’m happy for you… 🙂
All the VERY BEST!!!!!
So, what is the best thing you can do when the ex is slowly warming up to you but you’re still unsure if they are actually regaining interest?
Take it slow and see where it leads. Do not worry whether or not they’re responding in time. Just make sure you’re not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend/recover a broken relationship).
First, your ebook is amazing. I’ve been following your advice to the t, persistently pushing but not too pushy. Now here is the tricky part, following your ebook, I sent him an email asking if he’d like to meet for coffee. He immediately sent a text back saying “I’ll do you better. Coffee and a walk by the park” and added a smiley face. This is what we always did when we were together. I don’t want to become too hopeful and push him away and also I’m a little scared that may be things are moving too fast. You did say to watch for this kind of situations because sometimes things can go too fast and end up going wrong too quickly. What do you think?
I think…. GREAT! …(:
Go for coffee and walk, and see what happens. The going too fast to no good is if this is your first face to face meeting and you end up heavy making-out or even having sex. While it might not matter so much (you’ve done it before, no surprises there), you don’t want it to be “the goal” of why he met you. As I write in the eBook, always leave the “there will be a next time” last impression.
Other than that… have fun, and don’t worry too much about pushing him away. If you’re following the advice in the eBook, you won’t!
You’re right. I do believe she is in love with me and all her other actions say so. I let my own insecurities get in the way. It’s time I show her I’m over it and want her in my life. I’ll keep you updated.
I read the link you provided to the above commentor and it was very helpful. In my case the pulling away started from me. All the signs were there until she told me she had sex with another guy while we were broken up. I should have handled it better when she told me but I just couldn’t get my mind past her cheating and betrayal and kept pushing and pushing for details. Now we seem to have gone back to one text a day or none at all. Can things go back to the point where she’s interested again? How? Btw, she’s 39 and I’m 31.
Yes, things can go back to the point where she’s interested again. What she needs is for you to show that you have moved on from it. You broke it off with her and she was probably trying to move on the best way she knew how to. Now you’re back together, it’s obvious that she’s wants to be with you and not him. So either you do the grown up thing and see this for what it is and that is, she did not cheat on you and she did not betray you (you were NOT in a relationship when it happened), or let her go and go your separate ways, which is a shame since there are many people who’d give anything to get an ex interested again.
Yangki, you have really opened my eyes to so many things I had done wrong in my relationship and was continuing to do wrong trying to get my ex back. He felt neglected and taken for granted and I blamed him for ending things rather than working on us. Reading your articles and book, I realized that he did not make a “mistake” breaking up with me, he had very good reasons for doing so.
I have been showing him I care about him enough to be willing to change. In the last month we have become closer. We even hang out 2-3 times a week and having dinner tomorrow night. I just wanted to say, thank you for being the wise and compassionate teacher that you are.
I am happy for you… :).
Keep us updated.
I recently started talking to my ex again after 8 months. It started out innocent, I reached out to him because i heard he lost his mother. He responded right away and we sent texts for two weeks before we eventually decided to meet in person. There were obviously feelings still there because we flirted with each other and reminisced. He has initiated contact a few times now and we plan to go out again. What do you think, interest or My questions is, is there interest or is it too early to tell for my situation?
It’s too early to tell for sure, but it’s a good start.
Sometimes people who still have feelings for each other when they meet up again after a long time tend move a little too fast then things abruptly stop once the excitement of “coming together again” wears off. See what happens in the next few weeks… if things continue to progress.
My ex and I recently started communicating again. We’ve mostly talked about our lives and mutual friends. The other day he said something about how we used to love going to this coffee place. I was surprised because I thought he did not want to talk about the relationship. Does this mean that he is remembering the relationship and missing what we had? Could it be that he wants me back? It’s been 8 months since he broke up with me.
It’s natural for an ex to remember the good things about the relationship and even say they miss those things. But it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re interested in re-igniting the relationship. You’d have to see a lot more “interest’ than this to conclude he wants you back.
Yangki, I have been following your advice and have gone from no contact to some form of contact over the last two weeks. We have started emotionally connecting though our interest in movies. Today he initiated contact with “Have you seen the movie yet?” in reference to a movie we chatted about. This is his first ever initiating contact since we broke up 9 weeks ago. Should I wait a couple of days and then reply?
Reply right away to encourage him to initiate more. If you have seen the movie, mention very briefly the parts you like about it; something that means something to both of you.
You can build emotional momentum just connecting on movies… just make sure you are connecting emotionally and not just “talking about movies”. There is huge difference there.
See: How to Build Emotional Momentum and Get Back Your Ex
Yangki, my ex is also showing a little bit more of an interest than usual. We broke up due to me not showing her affection. I started to do the things you say to trigger her emotions and her texts started getting friendly and a little flirty. We talk every day normally just one text but sometimes 3 or 4 in one day. She also started calling me by my nickname and has told me she misses us and is happy how things are just like in the beginning of our relationship. I know she is not interested as just a friend because she has said in the past she’s very attracted to me to be just friends.
Yangki, we had phone chat a month ago and since then things have been moving forward. We have met several times and chatted. She’s actually called me few times for advice but I kept it short. Last week she texted me and asked me out for lunch. She will go out with me during day time but still won’t let me take her out to dinner. We hug but she won’t kiss me. Should I worry?
Unfortunately, a month ago is a long time in my world… I hear so many stories and sometimes they get all mixed up in my head. So forgive me if I can’t remember our conversation.
Depending on why you broke up and at what stage of the process you are in, her not wanting to go out to dinner and not wanting to kiss you may mean its too early in the process for that level of “connection” (things may change with time), or it could mean she now sees you as “just a friend”.
I actually have your Dating your ex ebook and following your advice. I tried many other programs and i just pushed her further away. I can honestly say i see some progress that’s why i keep keeping on. i may contact you for coaching one of these days, just have to put the funds together first. But thanks for all your help.
I am happy for you… 🙂
Looking forward to being of help.
She told me we’ll never get back together yet her actions say otherwise. We still hang out and some days the conversations get a little flirty. She holds my hand and sometimes even kisses me on the cheek. Moving on probably would be the logical thing to do here, but I think I’m going to keep trying.
Looks like she still likes you but not sure she wants to be in a relationship with you. I admire your spirit of keep keeping on, however, just “not giving up” is not enough. What are you trying? I’ve seen men and women hang in there with an ex only to be told “there is now someone else”. Many feel hurt but what did they expect? Someone else who knew what to “try” came and stole the show! It’s the things that you’re trying (and not trying) that make the difference between she just “likes you” and “she’s again interested in you”.
Hi Yangki, it’s been some time since we last spoke and I wanted to give you a
quick update as well as ask for advice. There have been some new developments since we spoke. I saw her again for coffee and tried really hard to follow your advice and kept communication open, but not in a needy way. Afterwards she sent me a random message and that got us exchanging messages the whole day. My question is, should I ask her out again or wait? The last meeting we had was 10 days ago,.
First of all, I am happy for you… 🙂
Since there seems to be momentum, and she’s initiating contact, I think you should ask her out again. Do something different this time.
I worked so hard to get her interested again and she was showing all the signs you list. But I must have said or done something that has made her pull back. Can I get her interested again?
Setbacks are part of the process. Don’t panic or get frustrated and give up just yet. If she became interested before, she can become interested again. Follow your plan/strategy – and be patient, calm and persistent.
Yangki, I’m so glad I found your site. My ex and I are friends and adults, so no contact did not make sense to both of us. We actually had a talk about it and agreed it was not for us. After the breakup we continued to hang out a few times a week but I think started to push to get back together so soon because she asked that we take a break for two weeks. That’s when I found your site and book. We’re talking again and plan to meet this weekend. It’s our first meeting since the break-up, any tips on how to not mess things up? 🙂
I think this will help: 6 Tips For A Great First Date With Your Ex
Try not to mess it up…:)
Yangki, As you advice, I stopped focusing on how often to text him and started focusing on his emotions and I think there is some progress. For example, he used to respond to my text messages with one worded answers and now he writes 2 – 3 sentences and is actually giving me more information about his life. In return I respond to his bids for emotional connection. Do you think I am reading too much into this small change?
No, you are not reading too much into it. It’s a small change but a significant one …:)
Keep returning his bids for emotional connection, and at some point start sending your own, so that there is momentum. Otherwise things will stagnate and/or go back to one word answers. All the best
My ex and I (of 5+ years) split about 8 months ago, remained in contact, and kept good momentum going since then. Primary issues were clinginess on my part, and lacking communication of our needs on both ends. We kept hanging out as friends, and were very, very close even when broken up. We’ve recently officially started dating again, though we are not “a couple” yet. I guess you could say we’re testing things out before re-committing. He was the one who broke it off, and was also the one who initiated this current arrangement.
Do you have any advice for how to navigate this stage of starting our new relationship? I’ve still been noticing some push-pull behavior, and he’s admitting he isn’t 100% sold (since he isn’t completely convinced things will be different, but he feels it is absolutely worth trying). I have no doubt we love each other very much, and we’re so close. I really believe we can make it. I owe a lot of my growth that brought us here to your page. So even if you don’t have any specific advice, thank you very much.
I am happy for you Brian…:) It’s not easy getting to where things are for you… and that he feels it is absolutely worth trying is a good sign. If you have my book, go to the section on the “The New Relationship”. Under it there are sub-sections on 1) Getting it right (p453), 2) Getting your ex on board (p460) and 3) Give-and-take dynamic (p468). I think it’ll get you started on a stronger foundation. You might also want to look at the part on “nuts and bolts of being a couple again.
And since you are sort of testing the waters, I also recommend “The Trial Period (p407), just to make sure you are doing it right.
If you need further assistance, I am happy to work with you, one-on-one and guide you through the process.
First of all I want to say thank you so much for your book and site. I was doing NC but after buying your book, I texted her with a “just wanted to say hello”. She replied immediately saying it was good to hear from me. We have been talking 3-4 times a week mostly catching up and me mostly initiating it and asking her about her life and giving her hints about me becoming a better person. Yesterday I asked her out to lunch and she responded thanking me but said may be sometime down the road. I emailed her back saying that’ll be great. She emailed back “Let’s keep in touch”. My question is, how should I proceed from here?
Congratulations on getting this far. Asking her out was probably too early in the process but she did say “may be sometime down the road” and not “never” (or worse), so that’s good. She also said “let’s keep in touch.” I suggest you just continue as you’ve been doing, initiating contact and making that emotional connection. When there is more momentum, ask her out again. In other words, nothing has been negatively affected by the too soon invite.
I am glad I found this page, my now ex Girlfriend who I love very much and I made the mistake of walking away. She is messaging me on Facebook everyday or every few days. I get the feeling she wants to try again though she is in a Rebound at the moment. I thought about No Contact, but that seemed to be counter productive to me. I am curious, should I let her keep First Contacting me though she says she wants to be friends I suspect she wants more than that. My situation was Long Distance, I’m in the US and she is from Czech Republic.
You might want to do a search on articles on “rebound relationships”. You will find almost similar situations and my responses to a lot of questions about exes who seem interested but are in other relationships (which may or may not necessarily be a rebound).
Yangki, what about if your ex texts you about good memories of when you were dating and says she misses the good old days. What exactly does she mean? Does it mean she’s thinking about us and may be wants to get back together?
It may or may not mean she wants to get back together. I don’t have the details of what else is going on to be able to say one way or the other.
If you have been in contact, going out on dates and things are moving along well, it may be reminding her of what it’s like to be in a relationship with you.
If the text came when there has been no contact for a while, it may mean just that… she misses the good old days, or it could also be her trying to find out if you are still thinking about her. If this is the case, I’d be very weary. People who do this “remote” contact thing, are either mind game players or not very good communicators. Both make being in a relationship with them hard.
This is very helpful. I thought my ex was just being friendly, but after reading this, I can see some of the signs he’s interested.
Yangki, I’ve been following your book and contacting my ex in the morning or around lunch when I know he’s not stressed. I wait until I’m calm and not stressing out if he will answer or not before replying. I think I’m doing well so far. The other day he initiated contact after midnight said he was on his way back home and felt like talking to me. We talked for 23 minutes. I feel like there is emotional momentum what do you think?
I agree there is definitely emotional momentum there. Figuring out the times he’s most responsive really works… (:
You are on the right track… all the very best!
First and foremost I want to thank you for your great blog and book. I have seen some of the signs you mention from my ex. She is interested in my life and asking questions, which is out of character for her. We flirt quite a bit and I can definitely say things are different between us. The only concern I have is that she only wants to text. I told her we should also talk on the phone but she said she does not like talking on the phone and that is just the way she is. I do not know how to keep this going if we only communicate by text.
Because she said that is just the way she is, I’m assuming that she also did not like talking on the phone when you were together. If I’m right, then you have to accept that you will have to try to get her back just through text, and hopefully face to face meetings.
Trying to force her to do what she does not like will undo all the progress you’ve made. It’s not ideal, but it can be done.
I just started talking to my ex after taking a break. I’m following your guide and so far, it’s been good. We have consistent contact but I have not mentioned getting back
together as I don’t want to force anything. We just chat and hung out and I try to show her that I care. I hope that this time around we can make it work. But, if it doesn’t then that is ok too. It is worth the try.
I’m glad it’s working out for you so far. You are right, mentioning getting back together when she’s not “ready” will get you “no” or “not now”.
Look for the signs of readiness listed in the book and you’ll know when it’s time.
I too hope that this time it works out.
Thanks Yangki. I’ll post in a few months to let you know how we’re doing.
She and I have been texting and going out on dates for a few weeks now. She knows I still love her, so yesterday I decided to ask her if she wants to give us another chance. She said shes in no hurry for a new relationship with anyone but wants us to continue seeing each other. I take that to mean that she thinks we still have a chance. I’d love to hear what you think, Yangki?
I also think she thinks you still have a chance.
I think that may be you “asked” a little too early in the process. Date each other a little longer, let her get the feel of what the “new” relationship will be like before you bring up getting back together.
i just responded to her with a simple “it was. the sweetest” . Hard for me but I’m learning patience. At the very least this experience will teach me that. Wish me luck!
Thanks for your advice here and in the book – i hope you know how much your helping people.
ALL THE VERY BEST!!!!!
hi your book was so helpful particularly about keeping communication going. My Ex and I broke up 8 months ago. I didn’t at first contact – a mistake – but we’re slowly reconnecting and she’s sweet. If I mention meeting up though she is resistant or doesn’t respond. just recently she acknowledged time we had spent together as so sweet. Sounds minimal but it was a shift. I love her with all my heart and I want to find our way back to each other but while respecting her boundaries. I also want to stay out of the friends zone. What do yo suggest?
As mentioned in the book, even a very minor “shift” is still a shift… something to celebrate and build on.
Follow the advice on “Common Challenges”, specifically the advice on “The Just Friends Zone”, and you will not fall into the friend zone.
In addition, read the articles/questions/comments on “Friend Zone “category here on the blog, they add to what is in the book. But even without the articles, the advice in the book alone is enough.
All the very best!
My ex ended it with me because he didn’t see a future for us. We were both crying and he told me I could always contact him and he would always answer. We didn’t speak for 5 weeks then I messaged him via facebook and he replied. For the last month I’ve texted him 2 times a week and we have great conversations lasting 2 hours but he never initiates contact with me. So it’s basically me initiating contact , we text for a while then he stops texting til next time. I am confused as he shows signs of interest but does not initiate contact.
Usually in the beginning, the one trying to get the other does most of the initiating contact. Depending what kind of relationship you had, how things ended and what else is going on in your ex’s life, that phase lasts about 3 weeks – 2 months. If your ex doesn’t start initiating contact by then, then one of the following is happening:
1) He’s just being polite and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you he’s not interested.
2) You’ve been friend zoned/he still wants to be in your life but does not want to get back with you.
3) You are not making the emotional connection that matters/making him feel safe to open up to you again.
4. You just need a little more patience.
My guess is #3 and 4. There are many articles here on building emotional momentum that can help. I also cover emotional momentum extensively in my Dating Your Ex eBook!
I just started talking to my ex after reading your blog. We hadn’t talked for two months because we both needed the break. So far, it’s been good. Our texts are mostly light and fun but I miss the confiding in one another.
That will happen with time, if you keep doing the right things to make him feel safe to open up to you again. One step at a time…:-)
I understand that I have to learn to do what you said, take it slowly and stay in the now, thanks again for the advice. Everything has worked great so far.
I sent my ex “I’m sorry” letter and two days later got a reply basically saying he’s sorry for his role in the relationship ending but thinks it’s the best for both of us. So I got a copy of your ebook and for the first time understood his thinking and feeling and how he needs to see that things are different. I sent him a text accepting the breakup but not agreeing with it as your ebook says, and said I’d like to keep in touch just to see how he doing since he was an important part of my life and it’d be a shame to throw away the 5 great years we spent together. He said he didn’t want us to be strangers either. For the last one and a half months I I’ve been connecting emotionally and I think I’ve made a lot of progress. Lately, he’s been initiating contact and telling me he has a lot of regrets about what happened. I know it’s not much but is there some kind of timeline that I should be looking at?
I’m happy for you for getting things this far.
Don’t start thinking of a “timeline” just yet. Timelines sometimes make you to start pushing hard, and forcing things to happen which will undermine the progress you’ve made.
As indicated in the eBook, there is still work to do. For now, take things VERY slowly. Don’t plan too far ahead into the future, instead stay in the now, and you will be just fine.
My ex and I reconnected over a month ago. We were texting, talking on phone and if felt very good. He didn’t ask me what I was doing for Valentines Day and I didn’t bring it up. Monday the day after Valentine’s Day I sent him a text as I’ve done for the last month or so and asked him what he did on Valentine’s Day. He replied my text relatively quickly but ignored my question about Valentine’s Day. I texted him back and no reply. I texted again Tuesday but only got a short sms from him with 10 -20 hours delays between when I sent mine and when he responded. On hindsight I now look back and wonder if may be I should not have asked about his Valentine’s day since we’ve been apart for so long. Or may be I misread his friendly gestures to mean he was starting to be interested again but it wasn’t the case after all. Oh well, I’m glad we reconnected but will now try to move on. It’s hard but what else is one to do?
I think you’re over-thinking this. It’s only been four days! In many of my articles and eBook, I talk about why it’s important not to panic and give up too quickly or panic and do something really desperate like try to end the torture of “uncertainty” by writing a “good bye” text or email.
You are not in his head and don’t know what he’s thinking. Learn to sometimes take things at face value and let other people do things in their own space and time. It helps with your sanity. Who knows, he may even surprise you with a text — and how foolish will you feel if you find out his “silence” had nothing to do with you!
Yangki, your advice and book have been very helpful. My ex and i have been texting each other back and forth for the last several weeks, him mostly initiating it but sometimes I initiate it too. Last night we chatted a bit and at the end of our conversation I asked if he wants to go see a movie together. He seemed to jump on the idea and seemed excited about it. We have seen each other once after the break up. I am interested in spending time with him without putting pressure, but I also don’t want to end up just a close friend.
It’s just the first “date”. As the book says, go with no preconceived ideas about what will or will not happen. Your only goal should be to make sure that there will be other dates in the future.
My article: 6 Tips For A Great First Date With Your Ex might help.
The break up was both our fault and by the time we realized just how bad things had become, it was too late. She wanted a break and I reluctantly agreed. We kept in touch and a couple of weeks ago I told her I still love her and she agreed that we where really good together. We didn’t get back together but we are working out our problems. I’m following the advice in your book and hopefully she and I will get back together.
The advantage of dating an ex is that, unlike in a new relationship, you know what the hot button issues are and can consciously choose to deal with things differently.
I think that there is enough love and compatibility to make it work. All the very best!
I kept in contact with my ex-boyfriend because we were able to remain very good friends after the break up. Lately, he’s flirting with me and calling me late at night. There are definitely some feelings left both ways. What do you think?
I agree. There are “feelings” left both ways. It happens in many relationships where there was no animosity during or after the break-up. Can you build on those “feelings” and create a better relationship?
Yes and no. Yes, if the reasons you broke up in the first place no longer exist. No, if it’s just that you both miss what you had and clinging to what used to be.
Yangki, I read your blog and realized I was going about things the wrong way. A few weeks ago, I bout your book and started to work on that emotional connection you talk about. Within a couple of weeks, I can feel her warming up to me. She has been receptive and even initiating contact. I understand that getting back together is her choice, and I need to let her make it on her own. In your experience, do you think I have a chance?
You have achieved a lot in a couple of weeks. You should be proud of yourself because most people really struggle with making that emotional connection.
If things continue progressing the way they have, I can confidently say you have a pretty good chance. That said, don’t let your emotions get ahead of you and don’t try to rush anything. Move to the next step only after the foundation for that next step has been laid.
Let me know how things progress. All the best.
I feel like I’m really connecting with my ex. We are having conversations about things that we never shared with each other before. The only problem is that our relationship is long distance, and it will take a lot of planning and time before we can actually meet face to face.
I’m in the same situation as Garvin, some initiating contact on her part and definitely some flirting. This has been going on for a month but when I asked her is she wanted to grab coffee or drinks, she said she does not think it’s a good idea, may be some other time. I can sense there is interest but I don’t know how to move beyond this point.
Sometimes things need a little more time to pick up, and other times it may be that you are not hitting the right emotional codes. People in general, but more so someone you’ve dated before, are always looking to feel a certain degree of “emotional safety” before they can open their hearts again.
Without much detail, I don’t know in your case what exactly is holding her back. It may be something you are saying/doing, something you are not saying/doing, or it could be things happening in her life that have nothing to do with you.
After a couple of weeks, ask her out again, and if she says the same thing, ask her if its something you are doing that’s making her want to wait to go out, and take things from there. Always remember, results are more important than the time it takes to achieve them.
We broke up more than 6 months ago and after one month of no contact I realized that I still loved her and still want to be with her. The first 3 contacts she didn’t respond and when she responded she was cold and distant. I’m grateful that I had been reading your advice which helped prepare me for that. I’m still doing most of the initiating contact but she is definitely warming up to me. This morning, she texted me, “Good morning”. I texted back and we had a pleasant conversation which included some flirting. Is this a sign she’s becoming interested?
She’s interested. How much… is yet to be seen. Keep doing what you’re doing, it’s definitely working.
My ex shows all these signs and we have amazing time together but then last night he said I should not consider him as a potential boyfriend again because he doesn’t think we should get back cuz we want different things out of our lives and we’ll go different paths. He also said he’s afraid because he himself might want to get back with me because we share love and other emotions when we’re together. Do I have a chance at all? How should I interpret this?
It seems that he is torn between his feelings for you (the heart) and his feelings about the relationship (head/rationale). In other words, he’s still in love with you but does not think a relationship can work because he believes you are not compatible (whether that is true or just his perception, I don’t know).
You may have a chance if you can convince him that you want the same things out of life, and you’ll be happier together than apart. It’s an uphill battle, but it can be done. Just make sure you don’t change yourself to fit whatever you think he wants you to be because that is often a turn off for most men and women — and not wise for you.
I’m a bit confused. I read n one of your posts that you have to keep things moving forward but how to you do that without creating unnecessary pressure? Any examples of unnecessary pressure?
I understand the confusion. There is healthy push, where you keep momentum and gently move someone forward either to make a decision or act. This is healthy and necessary for getting your ex back.
Unnecessary pressure is when due to your own issues (controlling nature, neediness, fear, anxiety etc), you say or do things that create tension, stress and resistance (push back or pulling away).
A good example is Lillian above. She’s making progress and he’s showing interest in wanting to work things out, then she jumps ahead of herself and starts saying things that make her ex pull back.
I’m following the advice in your dating ex book and I’m making progress although in the last few weeks there have been a few minor bumps along the way. He says things are moving too fast and he can’t handle it. I admit I took him showing interest to mean he wanted to get back together, and I may have said some things that created pressure for him. I apologized and we had a long talk about our future together. He says he really wants to work things out. Is it normal for someone to show so much interest but want to take things slow?
Yes, it happens quite a lot but the plus you have on your side is that you are talking about a future together. That’s a good sign, so take him at his word. Don’t mess things up by creating unnecessary pressure.
My ex and I have managed to maintain communication, which I’m very grateful to you for. For the first 4 months things were pretty friendly, but there is what I think is a shift, but I may be over thinking it. We were talking and out of the blue he said “I can’t imagine not seeing you anymore!” I asked him what he meant, something you said we should always do and not just assume we know. He replied with, “I just can’t imagine you not in my life!” I’m not sure what to make of this development. Any insights as to what is happening?
It’s a development, and a good one. Whatever you are doing is making him think of what his life would be without you, and he does not like what he sees. The more he sees value in having you in his life over not having you in his life, the more it’ll move him towards getting back together.
You are on the right track. Maintain the contact and keep working on bonding at a deeper level, showing him the two of you are meant to be, the relationship can be better and the future happier.
My ex also broke up with me 2 and 1/2 months ago. Over the past few weeks we’ve been in frequent contact. I tried to get her to go out with me but she kept giving me the run around. I stopped asking her out and instead concentrated as you advice on making her feel emotionally safe. Last night she asked me why I don’t ask her out anymore. I was not sure what to say, so I told her I wanted her to be comfortable with it.
Did I mess things up and do you think I should ask her out? All advice is appreciated.
I think you handled the situation very well. I also think you should ask her out … she’s indirectly asking for it.
Thank you so much for writing such positive uplifting advice. We don’t hear enough about the work that goes into making a relationship work again. I have made so much progress with my ex just following your blog and dating ex book. I know I still have a long way to go but whatever happens, thank you so much.
I initiated contact after 4 weeks of no contact, she responded and has also initiated contact a few times, but she doesn’t say much just “hi” and when I answer “hi, how are you”, she does not respond. When I initiate contact however, she responds. Is this her way of keeping the lines of communication open and a sign that she’s interested?
Yes and no to both keeping the lines of communication open and a sign that she’s interested.
Yes, if when you do communicate, whether she initiates it or you do, your conversations are deep, meaningful and you feel you are getting closer.
No, if she’s initiating contact just to nudge you to contact her, but isn’t opening up about anything.
That said, in the initial stages, you’ll do most of the initiating contact until her interest picks up. This is why your concern shouldn’t be who is initiating contact more, but are you doing enough to get her interested to the point where she’s not only initiating contact, but wants to give the relationship another chance. The more interested she becomes, the more she’ll initiate contact on her own.
My ex and I kept contact after I read your blog and bought your book. We always had a very special friendship, no contact didn’t make sense. Over the last 2 months, we’ve grown very close again and even discussed getting back together. Because the breakup was basically due to trust issues, she says it’s hard for her to make that leap. In your book you talk about asking for a trial period, is this one of those situations where a trial period might help reestablish trust?
Yes. If there was ever a situation that would benefit from a trial period this is one.
Make sure you discuss the terms and do a proper re-evaluation to avoid some of the complications mentioned in the book.
I have worked hard to rekindle our friendship, and while hard, it has been the best thing I ever did. Two months ago when we broke up she said she had lost feelings for me and didn’t think we would ever be together again. She wanted to see other people and told me to move on with my life. I told her I understood but wanted to stay in contact. At first it was random texts with periods of no contact. Fast forward, we now text each other every day and talk at least 3 times a week. She says she sees a change in me although she’s still not sure she wants to be with me. Does this mean she’s becoming interested or am I being overly optimistic?
I think you are being cautiously optimistic, and that’s a good thing. Going from random contacts to steady and regular communication is one of the signs that things are moving forward. Where to, remains to be seen. A lot will depend on how you continue building momentum. As mentioned in the book, you MUST keep moving forward, and not allow things to stagnate for far too long.
I dont know how to really thank you. I have bought all your books and visit your blog regularly. With the help of your advice, my ex says shes open to giving the relationship another chance but wants us to attend couples counselling. Im just keen to know if you think this is a good idea.
If your ex is open to working with you to create a better relationship than the one you had before, then work together as a team. I say, go for couples counselling.
Yangki, thank you so much for such a positive blog. The most important thing I’ve learned reading your articles is that a breakup is not always the end for good. My ex of 5 years broke up with me 4 months ago and i was fortunate to come across your book before I made many of the mistakes you warn against. We maintained contact and things have been getting better over the last one month. You have taught me a lot and I believe I needed it for our relationship to be where it is now. So, thank you.
She broke it off because of wanting different things in life. I felt totally devastated and initiated nc because I could not do anything to change this situation. But after only 2 weeks, I contacted her and she replied right away. Over 3 weeks, we have been texting every few days and occasionally speak on the phone. Is this a good sign? I want to ask her if she wants to try the relationship again.
Yes. The fact that you are in contact is a good sign, but it means very little at this point. The contact could stop any time or she could just be looking to be friends. I suggest that you do not get too excited yet and hold off talking about getting back together. Try to enjoy the times you spend together until you are somewhat certain she’s into you again.
We ended it mutually and agreed that we could still being “friendly” and we even talked about starting dating again sometime in the future. That future came in April, and we’ve been dating again for almost 2 months. The topic of getting back together has come up once or twice. I am excited but mostly nervous.
My ex was warming up to me and we were texting every other day or a month. Him initiating contact 50-50. He won’t face chat (we’re LD) because he doesn’t want to fall back into getting involved with me (he’s tried to break up in the past and faltered when he saw me). He confessed he misses me and still has feelings but he knows he just misses memories and not the reality (arguing a lot etc). I noticed he backed off and reduced contact after I suggested face chatting. I may be winning his heart, but his head is getting in the way.
Over the past three weeks my ex and I have been calling and texting each other a lot. Last Monday, I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie and we had an absolute great time. After the movie we sat in my car talking and before she left she kissed me on the cheek. The next morning I texted her to tell her I had a great time and ask her if she wanted to do something else soon. She didn’t reply until Wednesday night. Her text was very brief, “I’ll talk to you soon”. She didn’t comment about Monday night and no word on going out again. Monday night I was sure we had a chance but I don’t know where we stand anymore because in the past she was been very adamant on where we stood. My question to you is, is there hope here or should I just walk away now. To be honest with you, I’m leaning towards walking away, again because she’s said in the past we would never get back together. I don’t want to assume she’s changed her mind in case I’m wrong.
There is always hope when an ex is still willing to have contact and even go out with you. Your biggest problem is not your ex, your biggest problem is that you can’t stand the uncertainty of not knowing whether things will work or not. Walking away now seems easier than dealing with the anxiety from not knowing. I said “seems easier” because I’ve seen people walk away and have so many regrets later.
I suggest that you spend sometime here on my blog, may be some things will click and you can actually make this work.
I’ve read dating your ex cover to over and love the mature approach you outlined. It made me feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My relationship wasn’t healthy, we fought a lot and said mean things to each other. Since following your advice we are getting on well without fighting over every small thing. Your ebook has given a vision of how I can make it a healthier relationship for both of us. Thank you so very much.
Thank you for your kinds words. I hope and pray that you find your way back to each other.
I can only speak from my point of view. One of my biggest challenges has been learning that I cannot control what my ex does. All I can do is monitor how I’m relating and responding and keeping myself tuned in to her needs. So far this seems to be working. She is warming upto me, asking more about my life and genuinely interested. I’m still doing most of the initiating contact but once in a while I get a text from her without me prompting anything.
I just started the initial contact with my ex after a week of nc and he messaged me back right away. He told me a bit about how he is doing and also said we shouldnt talk to often, at least not until we’d grown because he didn’t want us to hurt each other. Does it mean that i still have a chance?
It’s way too early to conclude one way or the other. See where things are a month from now.
I went through a period of bitterness because she started dating someone within weeks of the breakup. But after spending time on your blog, I realized that it’s not healthy to carry that kind of anger around. I contacted her and for the last two months we’ve become close again. Last night she confided in me that things aren’t going well with the new b/friend. I’ve avoided talking about her b/friend and focused on light fun and showing her I’ve changed. Why do you think she told me this info?
The love doctor in me wants to believe it’s because she wants you to know that there is a possibility that the other guy will soon be out of the picture… and you have her all to yourself… But who really knows why people say what they say.
In this process, don’t get too hang-up on random words or actions because that can throw you off track very fast. Every day brings it’s own opportunities and setbacks, joys and hurts.
Look more at the overall relationship — tone and direction. It’s a better indicator of where things are headed.
Just thought you’d know, I followed your eBook lol. Just not sure if things are still moving forward or this is as good as it gets.
Yangki, tell me if I’m grasping for straws here. My ex and I broke up October of last year. His reasons were that we were growing apart and he didn’t feel for me the way he wanted. He had a point, the details I wont go into. We kept in touch and in that time I made some very big changes in my life, changed jobs, got fit again, more fun in my life etc. Lately, we’ve been hanging out more, dates and sleepovers etc. but he hasn’t said if we’re back together or not. Is this good or bad?
I don’t think you’re grasping for straws. Definitely becoming interested again… more than becoming interested… (:
But you are right to be concerned that this can easily become as good as it gets. I’d be more helpful with some insight and input as to how this is unfolding if I knew what kind of conversations the two of you have. How you “emotionally connect” gives a better understanding of his “emotional” investment in those dates and sleepovers.
By emotional investment I’m not talking about “what’s up”, “how was you day” chit-chats or number of texts a day. These mean nothing, if there is no real emotional investment.
That said, I strongly believe things are looking good for you… and sending you all the positive energy I can send… (:
I ran in to my ex on Monday. We’ve not seen each other or communicated since we broke up in January. We spoke for about 5 minutes then I told her I had to be somewhere. Just as started to walk away she said “I really miss you”. It took me by surprise since she’s the one who decided that we should not have any contact. I told her I’d call her but haven’t for 2 reasons 1) I don’t trust someone who doesn’t contact me for over 5 months then tells me “I missed you”. Where has she been all this time? and 2) I’m getting married soon.
No one owes and ex anything, least of all one you haven’t spoken to in over 5 months. But it’s courteous to let her know you “moved on”…. tie up loose ends, if you know what I mean. That’s just my opinion. You seem to have your head screwed on the right side… you do what you feel you have to do…
Congratulations and all the very BEST!!!
Tried to use the friend thing to get her back. It didn’t work.
That’s because you were using “the friends thing” to get her back. People can sometimes sense when you have an agenda, and since your ex is more sensitive to you, agendas usually don’t work — or backfire.
I learned reading your ebook that you have to be friends for the relationship to have a solid foundation. If you try to get your ex back without that friendship first it is like building your house on quicksand. For the last 3 months that’s exactly what I have done, build on the friendship. I got the first signs of romantic interest a couple of weeks a go. It was my birthday and she called because she had a small gift for me and if I could meet her to get it. She handed me the gift and kissed me on the lips passionately. The second came yesterday, her mother was in town and she asked me to meet her. She told her “this is the guy I’ve been telling you about”.
In your opinion, are these signs that she is warming to me? Months ago, she didn’t even want me anywhere near her and accused me of trying to make her feel sorry for me. Which I must admit, I did try. But then I came upon your ebook and started building friendship first. I’m definably making progress, but not sure if I’m reading too much into it.
I don’t think you are reading too much into it. She’s definitely warming up to you and not just as a friend but as more than “just friends”. Don’t rush anything, continue building on the friendship but also push the boundaries of the “friends zone” once in a while as explained in the eBook. You don’t want her to feel like she’s the only one ‘showing interest” and you are just being “friendly”. That could turn things backwards very fast!
All my very best.. lots of positive energy your way. These kind of stories are the fuel that keep me doing this…(:
I didn’t cut off contact with my ex like a lot of people recommend. We just have so much love for each other but the relationship wasn’t working. I still talked to him as if he was my best friend even though I was still romantically interested in him, and he wasn’t interest in me in that way. Slowly we started hanging out together and even holding hands occassionally. We both agreed we would not be intimate because it’d spoil what we had. Well, an interesting conversation over the weekend made me think he is reconsidering the breakup. He said “I don’t understand why we couldn’t be like this before”. I asked him “like how?” and he said “like this, and kissed me on the lips”. My question is, do you think he is at least thinking of getting back together?
“I don’t understand why we couldn’t be like this before” could mean 3 things.
1) The dynamic between the two of you has changed for the better and that is beginning to make him think… may be this can work.
2) He sees how good what you have right now is, but wondering (aloud) if it can be sustained long-term.
3) There is still strong sexual chemistry and since you haven’t been intimate but hangout with each other and hold hands, the sexual tension is up the charts and he likes how it feels. It could explain “like this” and a kiss on the lips.
My advice is to continue doing what you are doing without rushing anything. If you do it right, the interest will show itself much more clearly. If the touching and kissing progresses much more quickly than the sharing of experiences, feelings, dreams and wanting to spend more time together, it means all it was is sexual tension.
I’ve been on your blog every day for two months and I see progress with my ex. She broke off with me because she was unhappy but asked if we could at least be friends because she didn’t want it to end without us knowing about each other’s lives. I told her if we can’t be gf and bf we could not be anything else. She cried and told me she wished she felt differently. I decided that we should not contact each other. I wanted to give her space and hopefully she will realize she made a mistake. But after finding your blog I broke the no contact rule after only 8 days. I started to contact her and she responded but rather reluctantly. Now we talk on phone 3 times a week and have been out 3 times. I told her I still love her and want her back and she said “we’ll see” with a smile. She shows she still cares about me in many ways. I’m trying so hard not to get my hopes up.
Given what you wrote, I’d have hope too… (:
Nothing wrong with having some hope… as long as you are realistic about it.
Good luck!!!!
My ex broke up with me after 3 and 1/2 years together. I was heartbroken and used no contact to heal. Yestarday I sent him a text “I’m really excited about the weekend… never mind”. After 2 hours he responded “Have fun!” Do I respond and what do I say? Mind you we had 4 weeks of absolutely no contact from either side. Does it look like he is interested?
“Have fun” doesn’t exactly sound like someone who is excited about hearing from you after 4 weeks of absolutely no contact. But what did you expect… You threw the bait he spat it right back at you.
I posted here a while ago. I got back together with my ex Nov. 2011 and things have been going pretty well. This was after 5 months of maintaining steady contact and showing her I changed. I hope the same can happen to all of you. Good luck.
Thank you for being so kind as to leave an update. It’s so easy to give up when things get hard but reading another’s success story and how they did it helps others to keep going on. I appreciate it!!!
He is not showing the signs above but he is avoiding me and when I text him he does not reply. But he talks about me to him friends and says he’s happy since the breakup but I know he is not. We were at a party and I saw him and he saw me so I asked him if he wanted to dance, he turned me down. I did not get angry and started to dance with my friends and other attractive guys. I think he was jealous because he left and went to another party. I later texted him to apologize if I made him mad but I never got a reply. Isn’t true that when your ex is still in love with you and don’t want you to know they still have feelings for you, they try not to show you and even treat you in a mean way?
Isn’t true that when your ex is still in love with you and don’t want you to know they still have feelings for you, they try not to show you and even treat you in a mean way?
Yes, it’s true…. in kindergarten! A kid in kindergarten treating you in a mean a way because he/she likes you is emotional immaturity. An adult treating you in a mean way is not love, it’s emotional abuse.
“….says he’s happy since the breakup but I know he is not’ ” … I think he was jealous…” are stories you are telling yourself, ones you want to believe.
He is avoiding you, does not respond to your texts and turned down your request to dance with him, those are the hard facts. The facts don’t show someone who is becoming interested.
Thank you so much for this blog. I wasn’t ready to walk out of my relationship or give up. After reading your blog, I saw how no contact would have just increased distance between the two of us and decided against it. After two months of contact with seemingly no results, we are dating again. I asked him what made him change his mind and he said, it was the way I handled the breakup. It made him realize how much I really cared about him even when he acted immature. Now I’m at the stage of easing him into us trying the relationship again. I came here to say “thank you” for you honest and mature advice. Please wish me good luck D:
Laurie, you just made my day!
I know you think you have come this far because of my advice, and I’m tempted to take some credit for it, but believe me, it’s ALL YOU! You took charge of your own happiness and I’m so happy that it’s working out for you.
Just luck? No! TONS of luck and positive energy from me to you. Just keep doing what you are doing… it’s working.
Hi Yangki, thank you for your advice. My ex and I are still not back together but we’re practically dating again just taking it slow and not trying to rush right back together.
We’ll see what happens. I think it is all going to work out.
What if he keeps the lines of communication open, sends you a happy birthday card and tells you he thinks about the good times. It is a sign he’s thinking of me, but does it also mean more?
You are right, it’s a sign he’s thinking of you, and that’s always a good. Alone, however it says little about whether he wants you back or not. Depending on how long ago you broke up, he could just be having a hard time letting go (but will eventually let go), it could also be that he wants to remain friends. Keep the lines of communication open and see what happens… that is, if there are more positive signs.
I want start by saying than you for your eBook and many articles, they have helped a lot. Before I bought your eBook I was doing all the things you say not to do – not picking up the phone when he called and trying to make him jealous. Stopped all that and took your approach. We are talking on the phone and text messaging regularly. I am to the point where I am allowing him to call and text me more. I want us to continue on this path but I’m worried that he might be just in it for the attention because there are no other available options for him. How do I make sure I’m not taken for a fool?
I’m happy to have been of help. You are right to be cautious… unfortunately, there is no sure proof way to tell if he is serious or just in it until someone else comes along. Best advice is to take your time… take your time. Don’t rush into sex because if that’s all he wants, then he’ll be gone after he gets it. Watch for the signs that things are progressively looking like you are getting back together (all that’s in the eBook). Actions more than just words.
If things are moving along (more actions towards getting back together), don’t rush it. It’ll happen when the time is right.
We’re pretty much back together. For two straight weeks I’ve been staying at his place and he even took me to his parents for the holidays. But he has not come out and said we’re officially back together. Is this a good or bad thing?
He broke up with me June of 11. I bought your ebook and applied the techniques. Since November we see each other every weekend and texting almost every day. We hug and have long passionate kisses but no sex. This last weekend things got pretty heated and we ended up in his place. It’s the first time I have been there since the breakup. He still had my pictureon his nightstand and my toothbrush in the bathroom. Does this mean he wants me back or he just forgot to put them away? He did take off all the pictures of us in his Facebook page and changed his status to single . We were together for 2 years. I’m 28, he’s 31. I want him back sooooooo bad.
No one forgets to put away pictures of his/her ex. The fact that reminders of you are still in his place and on display means he’s still into you. Does that mean he wants to get back with you? Looks like it. Whether he wants to do it right away is not so clear. I suggest that you don’t rush this. If things are progressing (not stagnant), it’s always a good thing. Rushing it or starting some mind game playing to pressure him because you want to know what’s going on in his mind may create the kind of tension/stress you don’t need right now.
Look at it this way, your pictures and toothbrush there means that he’s not seeing anyone else, at least not seriously enough to cause you to worry. That’s good… (:
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me and less than one month later he was in a new relationship, but he still contacts me. I told him it’s wrong for him to be talking to me when he has a girlfriend but he says she does not know he is talking to me. A couple of weeks ago, I texted him and he asked if he could come over. We had sex. Last weekend he texted me and came over and stayed at my place. He is with her but she does not know he is sleeping with me. Does this mean he is not happy in his new relationship and misses me?
I can’t tell if he is or is not happy in his new relationship. What’s obvious though is that he is eating his cake and having it too. Two women willing to sleep with him any time he wants…
It’s possible that he miss you but sleeping with you is not enough sign that he is interested in you in “want you back” way.
Thank you, Yangki. I feel less anxious and more confident meeting him. I’ll definitely avoid that! 🙂
My ex and I have been broken up for almost 2 years and we both even moved on to new boyfriends & girlfriends. In March he friended me on Facebook and we’ve been getting closer ever since. We both realize that it took this time apart to realize what and where we went wrong. Should I tell my present boyfriend that I’m still in love my ex?
That depends on what you want to do with the love you have for your ex. If you have no intentions of getting back with him, I think it makes no sense to tell your current boyfriend. Instead tell your ex that you have someone else and he’s the one you want to be with. If on the other hand, you are thinking of going back to your ex, then please tell your current boyfriend. Put yourself in his shoes… finding it out from someone else….
Trying to eat your cake and have it too, has a way of ending up with nothing…
We had a good relationship, no major disagreements and no cheating. Though we still love, admire and respect each other very much, we started to see life differently and needed to be apart. It was his decision to be apart. I bought your book and followed your advice. We stayed friends and kept each other in the loop about our respective lives and personal growth. We’ve been seeing each other more and more. At first it was just me initiating all the meetings but the last three he asked me out and we had such a wonderful time.
In your book, you write that when someone is equally engaged is the time to bring up the topic of getting back together. Well, I believe it’s the right time but need confirmation from an expert. Your advice has been very helpful so far and your guidance will be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Thank you for your question. It’s one I get asked quite a lot in emails and one I feel has not been addressed enough on my blog. I decided it’s best to post it as a separate question because it deserves that much attention.
Please click on the link for my answer: Should I Ask My Ex About Getting Back Together?
I changed so much after my breakup so much that my ex who am now trying to win back says she sometimes doesn’t recognize me. Is that a good or bad thing?
It can be either. If she likes the changes then it’s a good thing. If she thinks you’ve changed some of the “good” aspects of yourself that she was first attracted to, then you can say that’s a bad thing.
I’m reading your “Dating Your Ex” eBook and I must say it’s very different from all the books I’ve read about the subject. The one thing I love about your book is that it doesn’t just say “you can get your ex back”; it actually spells out how to become more attractive to an ex in very specific terms and details exactly what needs to be done differently – what to do more of and what to do less of. I feel like I’m finally, thanks to your work, getting some control over the chaos.
Talking to you, I too got the feeling you are now in control and it shows. Keep me updated by email…
My appreciation to you is in the highest sense. 🙂
Thought I’d drop by and let you know your eBook changed my life. I read other books that said not to be friends with your ex because if my ex wanted friendship why did she breakup with me? Your eBook opened my eyes to the possibility that things can go from bitterness and hate to something really good. We’re able to genuinely be friends again. We’re spending more and more time together and a couple of times we’ve held hands and she’s leaned on my shoulder in a movie theatre.
I’ve done everything by the eBook so far and it has worked out really great. I’m confident that it’s only a matter of time before we’re back together.
YES… it is possible to be friends again…
Sending you positive energy reinforcement…(:
We were so happy together for nearly 7 years, we never had a fight and were devoted to eachother. He moved to a different city for his job and used to come back every weekend and towards the end of our relationship he became distant. I knew he was worried about his career. He broke up with me saying that he’s changed and I’m perfect but he doesn’t know how to be with me because he doesn’t feel like himself. Since we broke up I found out he’d slept with someone else and I have no idea if they’re still together. We’re in touch a bit and he’s chatty with me but I don’t know what it means. Does he want me back?
I don’t think being in touch and a bit chatty alone means he wants you back. There have to be many of the signs listed here to show he’s interested, not want you back but interested. It’s a gradual progressive process that begins with interest (again).
He texted me and later called me on the phone. We had a long talk in which he basically said he was not ready for a relationship now because he’s feeling depressed for not finding a job for a long time. He asked me if I still want him even though he has no job and I said the job did not matter to me. We’re back to texting and calling each other. I feel good about this. Thank you for you advice not to overthink things.
I’ve had 2 attempts at contacting my ex with the hope of mending the relationship but ended up getting hurt again. If they are the ones who walked away then they are the ones who have to be the ones to walk back. Contacting an ex because you think it’ll work only leads to more heartache.
If someone wants to try to get his/her ex back that person should follow his/her own heart and not what someone else says based on their own bad experiences with their exes. Not all exes are the same. It could work out and it could also not work out, but it’s better to follow one’s heart than someone else’s experience. This is just my opinion.