Should You Be Friends With Benefits With An Avoidant Ex?

You want to read this if you are trying to attract back an avoidant ex, and you don’t want to end up “friends with benefits” with an avoidant ex.

Many people warn against staying in contact with an ex as friends with benefits, and for good reason. A longitudinal study published in Personal Relationships found that:

  • 59% of participants who wanted their “friends with benefits relationships” to end in friendship, got what they wanted.
  • Of the participants who hoped their “friends with benefits relationships” would transition into romantic relationships; only 17% saw their relationships evolve how they wanted.

Friends with benefits relationships that ended in romantic relationship had a strong commitment to the friends with benefits relationship; and the other person was open to the possibility that the friends with benefits relationship could end in a romantic relationship.

What grew the friends with benefits relationship into in a romantic relationship was:

  • Open and frequent communication
  • Commitment to both the sexual and friendship aspects of the relationship.

Can you be friends with with benefits with an avoidant, can it work?

There are no studies on attachment styes and friends with benefits post break-up; but there are studies that draw a direct link between our attachment style and how we view sex; approach sex and behave before, during and after sex.

These studies echo many of the complaints I hear from my clients trying to attract back an avoidant ex.

Avoidants in general have a deep fear of sexual intimacy. A dismissive avoidant who would rather engage in casual or transactional sex with no emotions and feelings involved. Many have at least one or to two exes they’ve gone back. They went back mostly because their ex didn’t seem to mind sex with no strings attached; a friends with benefits kind of situation or casual sex with an avoidant ex.

But can sex with an avoidant who experiences sex purely on a physical level; with no emotions or feelings lead to a relationship? Watch this short video, which includes advice for anyone in no strings attached relationship with an avoidant; and hopes that the friends with benefits relationship will end in a romantic relationship.

Some friends with benefits situations with an avoidant can work

As studies show, a friends with benefits relationship can end in romantic relationship. There are  avoidants who do not approach sex on a purely physical level; and may or may not be more committed to a romantic partner.

A fearful avoidant for example may find sexual experiences rewarding but also overwhelming and confusing. If they lean anxious they may they find it easier to express intimacy sexually than emotionally; but engage in les sex because they fear someone using and abandoning them.


How Do I Handle FWB With A Dismissive Avoidant Ex?

Avoidant Friend Zone Or Starting As Friends Then Come Back?

Sex With Your Ex – A Way To Get Your Ex Back Or A Mistake?

40 OMG Signs You’re A Classic Dismissive Avoidant

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1 Comment

  1. AvatarAvatarAvatarsays: Natall

    I’m FWB with my DA ex and we both enjoy sex with each other. 10 months since the breakup and we’re still having sex. He’s not the bedroom wrestler you describe but my ex-husband was almost to a t, including walking away to smoke after sex.

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