Why You’re Needy When Your Ex Does Not Respond

If you are ‘normal’, it hurts when someone you care so much about doesn’t respond when you read out (text, email, phone call etc). Anyone who says it doesn’t hurt at all (because they are ‘woke”) isn’t being emotionally honest.

The degree of hurt may vary from person to person depending on personality, emotional maturity or security, what’s else is going on in one’s life, ability to handle uncertainty, diagnosed or un-diagnosed emotional/mental issues (anxiety, depression, and any other disorders ) etc.

In my experience the people who tend to hurt more when they don’t get a response are anxious people, insecure people, perfectionists and me-centered people.

Insecure people hurt more because they take no response as a reflection on who they are.

If they were ‘good enough’ the other person would value them and respond.

Perfectionist hurt more because they see someone not responding as evidence of a ‘bad’ judgement”.

They didn’t choose the right partner, didn’t word the text well, didn’t time it well etc. If they had done everything ‘perfectly’ they would have received a response.

Me-Centered people hurt more because you know… everything is about them.

They think the person not responding is intentionally trying to hurt them. It’s hard for them to accept that just maybe, it has nothing to do with them. Maybe their ex is busy, maybe they have a life, or maybe they just don’t feel like responding (which is their right).

Anxious people hurt the most because they are too invested in getting a response.

Expecting a response is normal and not a bad thing. The difference is that someone not so attached to the outcome will feel the hurt and even feel a little anxious but be able to balance that off with other things happening around them in the present moment. Overly anxious people can’t seem to think of anything else except why the other person isn’t responding, what it means and what happens (to them) if the other person doesn’t respond.

The unfortunate part is anxiety, insecurity, perfectionism and self-absorption can all exist in one person.

If you find yourself routinely thrown off track in your efforts to get back your ex because you didn’t get a response, get help.

  1. Getting your ex back is an emotionally stressful experience . There will be times (and many of them) when your ex doesn’t respond and if you can’t handle that well, you will give up too soon or you’ll make progress and self-sabotage.
  2. It may at a glance seem like this is only about your ex not responding, but there are much deeper unresolved issues going on inside of you.

Like I said, almost everyone hurts when someone you care so much about doesn’t respond, but if not getting a response disrupts your life so much that you can’t function normally, it’s not about that text your ex didn’t respond to, or that they didn’t call back. It’s about your unresolved issues, and your ex not responding is just a trigger.

See: Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Ex?

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