Question: We were together almost 2 years. The reason he broke up with me was because we always fought over little things that didn’t even matter. When we were breaking up, I told him I could change but he said he didn’t believe me because I always say I’ll change but start arguments again. I’ve always known that I have a problem not just with my ex but with my family, co-workers etc. I’m seeing a therapist and also reading your book everyday. I met him last night and he said if I changed there is a possibility we will be a couple again, but I have to prove to him that I have changed.
In your book, you say that communicating the process of change is as important as the change itself. Do you think it’s a good idea from me to tell him I’m working with a therapist?
Yangki’s Answer: It depends on what his views are on working with a therapist. If he has a positive view about it, share some of the insights you learn from your therapy. As discussed in the book, make sure you don’t come across as “selling him” to him that you have changed”. Most people are turned of my sales pitches.
If he has a negative view of therapy, mention that you are working on improving yourself without mentioning that you are seeing a therapist. What’s important is that he sees the changes you are making and appreciates them.
If he asks you how you are working on yourself or what you are doing to change, be honest, and tell him you are seeing a therapist. Let him decide what’s more important, you changing for the betterment of the relationship or his personal views about therapy.
Don’t defend or justify why you need to work with a therapist. You should never ever have to feel ashamed of wanting to be better, just be smart about how you communicate it.