Should I Send My Ex An Apology Letter? (To Get Them Back)

Question: Should I send my ex an apology letter and apologize for hurting her and own up to my mistakes or is this a bad idea?

My ex and I have had no contact for over a month. After begging and pleading to get back together, I stopped bothering her and left her alone. Knowing her, she will not read out first. I have always had to make the first move. I’m thinking of sending her a letter apologizing for hurting her and own up to my mistakes. Nothing sappy or depressing. Or do you think an apology letter is a bad idea? I do want her back.

Yangki’s Answer: Should you send your ex an apology letter (slow mail, email or text)? My experience over the years is that it depends.

On one hand, a heartfelt letter apologizing for hurting your ex and owning up to your mistakes maybe something your ex needs to know that you truly understand and take full responsibility for your role in the break-up. On the other hand, an apology letter may overload an ex with feelings and emotions that they don’t want to feel and might not be well received. And if not well thought out, an ex may see an apology letter as just an attempt to change their mind, get back in their grace and get them back; especially if the apology is heavy on how much you love them and want them back etc., and light on taking full responsibility for your actions and feelings.

In general, I don’t advice apologizing to your ex immediately after your breakup. Pushing your feelings on an ex just after a break-up will make you look even more desperate. It’s best to wait until they’re ready to hear you out. In many cases, an apology letter doesn’t really do anything to get back your ex.

At the end of the day, whether or not you should send your ex an apology letter should be your decision, because you’re the only one who knows how you truly feel.

If you decide to send your ex an apology letter, think long and hard before you send the apology. Will your ex read your letter, email, or text or not, and if they do, will they appreciate it or will it make them angry or hurt more than they already are hurting.

Make sure that you take full responsibility without justifying or downplaying your words or actions. More importantly, do not use this as an opportunity to try to get back together. She’ll think this is the only reason you’re apologizing. Let the apology stand on its own merit.

A good apology is short and to the point. A text or letter is good, but generally an apology always sound more sincere in person or even on the phone than by text or letter.

Last but not least, do not expect your ex to respond. There’s a chance your ex may not even read your apology letter. If she responds, don’t get your hopes up that this means that your ex wants to get back together. All it means is that your ex accepts your apology.

Regardless of how your ex responds, an apology can help you heal.