Question: We went out on three dates and he seemed really into me, but I think he lost interest because I acted shy and awkward around him. The last time we went out, he made some remark about sometimes letting my hair down and live a little. The next day we spoke on the phone briefly and since then it’s been two weeks and I’ve not heard from him.
I’ve had my share of men most of whom I was not interested in. This guy is different and I really enjoyed every moment we spent together. It frustrates me so much that I failed to show him the fun-loving side of me. All my female friends say I should leave him alone but my male friends on the other hand say I should reach out to him and see where it goes. I do not want to be too forceful or give him the impression I’m chasing him. I guess I am just old fashioned. He initiated all the calls and arranged all the dates. What do you think, should I reach out to him and see where it goes or should I just let this go?
Yangki’s Answer: I think that if you really enjoy his company that much that you should call, email or text him, whatever you feel comfortable doing. I don’t think that reaching out to him just once will look like you are chasing him or being forceful. If you make a habit of calling him all the time or expecting him to call you (and complaining when he doesn’t), then that’s aggressively chasing him.
The worst that can happen here is that he will not respond but at least you know the ball is in his court and you didn’t just drop it and let the man of your dreams slip through your fingers.
If you get that chance to hang out with him again, let him see you as you. Just enjoy your time together. Don’t worry too much about trying to impress him and instead share with him who you as a person and also show some interest in him as a person. If you’re easy to get along with, laugh and express yourself naturally, he’ll be drawn to that energy. But if you’re trying too hard to impress him, it means you’ve tuned into your own thoughts and most likely coming across as uptight or boring.
If you’re worried about being too forceful or giving him the impression you’re chasing him, then don’t bring up the “where is this going” type conversation until you’re into “a relationship”. Bringing up these conversations too early into the “get to know you” stage is usually what makes most men feel that a woman is being too forceful.
If you don’t get that chance then maybe next time be a little more open, fun and show you’re interested with the next guy you really like so it could lead to something more.
I screwed up. Two weeks of things moving forward then I called him a week ago. The conversation started well and then I became clingy and it ended up lasting too long. He said he had to go, I asked if I can call him later and he said “sure”. I called and he didn’t respond. Later I got a text saying he was with friends and will text me the next day. He didn’t text me, so I send him a light text, no response. It’s been three days and I haven’t heard from him. What do you think is going on?
You are right, you became needy. Give it a few more days (no more than 4 days since last contact), and if you don’t hear from him, send him a text and go from there.
Just make sure you don’t overstay your welcome next time. If the responses suddenly take longer to come or his responses become short, it’s time to wrap things up… and reach out again at a later time, and keep reaching to keep things going forward.
Interesting discussion Love Doctor and Sugarbabe.
Many guys like me simply do not pick up the signals women send and even what women might consider clear signs of interest may fly right over our heads. Sometimes we think we’re merely imagining things or over interpreting her signals. The times a woman has asked me out, she usually was direct, confident and honest. How could I resist?! lol
I’m so glad I came across this blog and this article. I’m dating really good guy but we’re not enjoying the relationship because of my tendency to think the worst and worry about him getting bored and leaving me for someone else. This has been my issue which I know I need to address and I’ve already started seeing a counselor. I want to be able to sit back and enjoy life for what it would bring with this guy.
Thank you for your positive and helpful advice.