Should I Move To Be Closer To My Ex?

Question: In my case, I feel like the distance is a disadvantage to me and I can’t do anything about it. He wants to focus on building his career and be a better person. He says he can’t do it in a relationship with me because he doesn’t think I am trying hard enough in my career and personal development. He has said this things before but we never broke up until he moved to another state for his career. I really feel that if we were in the same place things would be different. I know you said keeping some communication keeps options open for the future, but I can’t tell if I want him back or if he will ever go back to being himself.

Yangki’s Answer: That makes two of us. I can’t tell either if you want him back…. ?

I can tell you one thing for sure. If he doesn’t see any career and/or personal development growth from you, he’s not coming back.
Distance may be a disadvantage, but I doubt it’s the main reason you are not together. If someone loves you and wants to be with you, distance is just logistics. So many couples make it work even with distance across continents.

I try to keep my answers specific to the situation of the person asking. In those situations where you’ve read me say “keep options open for the future”, there could be something about the situation that says there is hope for a romantic relationship in the future. I don’t know the details of your situation (please, this is not a request for you to provide details, I don’t have that kind of time…)

I hope you are not planning on moving thinking he’ll want you back because you closed the distance. I know so many people who move closer to their ex (despite my advice not to) and still their ex doesn’t want them back. There are cases where moving to be closer to your ex improves your chances, but most of the time, it doesn’t help anything.

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