Is sex with your ex one more way to get your ex back; or one big mistake that will hurt your chance of getting back together?
Sex with an ex can be tempting if you want your ex back. The idea that your ex still finds you sexually irresistible is flattering to say the least. If you had a great sex life while together, the temptation is even greater.
According to a recent study that appeared in the Daily Mail, 43 percent of women admit to regularly sleeping with an ex while searching for someone new. The common reasons for having sex with one’s were listed as:
- “Missed physical intimacy.”
- “Wanted to re-start the relationship.”
- “Things went too far after too much to drink.”
- “Bumped into each other on a night out and ‘it seemed like a good idea.”
Will sex with your ex get back your ex?
I have worked with many situations where sex helped bring two people closer, and they eventually got back together.
Physical touch and sexual activity have been known to increase oxytocin levels creating a feeling of connectedness and closeness. The feeling of connectedness and closeness resulting from increased oxytocin levels interestingly also prevents one from becoming close to other potential mates.
If you are trying to get close to you ex and also want to prevent your ex from getting close to other potential mates, having sex with your ex may work for you.
Will sex with your ex hurt your chance to get back your ex?
I have worked with many situations where sex with an ex became a problem; and prevented two people from getting back together.
You may find yourselves fighting over what having sex means. To you it may mean you are getting close, but to your ex it is just sex, and vice versa.
Many of the fights about sex when trying to get back together are about whether you should continue to have sex while dating other people. If you haven’t has an honest conversation about dating other people, sex with your ex and with other people could definitely hurt your chances.
And if you are using sex as a strategy for getting your ex back, and have no other strategy, you my attach more value to how often you have sex. When your ex doesn’t feel like having sex, you see your chances disappearing, and act aggressively or passive aggressively; and end up hurting the chances of getting back your ex.
Other times, sex wasn’t great when you were in a relationship, and having sex with your ex reminds them of why they should not come back.
Should you be having sex with your ex then?
As with all matters relating to sex between two consenting adults, my personal opinion is that, it’s not so much about sex; but one’s intentions and expectations for having sex in the first place that makes having sex with your ex a walk down memory lane; or a big mistake.
My advice to my clients and also in my eBook is, keep the two separate. If you are so tempted to walk down memory lane with your ex, make sure that it’s just about sex; for good ol’ time’s sake! No strings or expectations attached.
Keeping the two separate allows you to pursue the emotional aspect of getting back together without letting sex get in the way. This requires a lot of emotional and sexual maturity on both sides. This is one of the reasons why I can’t emphasize self-inner work enough. Not everybody is emotionally and sexually mature enough to compartmentalize in a healthy way.
All the programs, tricks, tactics, strategies, contemplation, meditation, reflection etc. in the world mean nothing if you have beliefs, insecurities, triggers and baggage that that need work. I have seen men and women with a very good chance of attracting back their ex struggle to make progress because they keep getting in their own way; and some can’t even see they are their own worst enemy.
Feelings of attachment are not from sex alone
It’s also important to remember that just sex will not automatically release oxytocin or make you feel connected.
Ignoring the reasons that the relationship ended, and thinking that sex will make it all okay again is setting oneself up for more disappointment and more heartache.
So yes, sex with your ex can accelerate the process of getting back together. As long as you keep things in perspective and understand the risks involved; you will not live with regret and guilt when things don’t turn out the way you had hoped or expected.
If you still haven’t accepted the breakup and still trying to undo the break-up or recover the old relationship, it’s probably a good idea to keep your pants on around your ex!