Admit it, sex with one’s ex can be tempting whether you are male or female. The idea that your ex still finds you sexually irresistible is flattering to say the least. If you had a great sex life, the temptation is even greater.
But why do many of us really do it?
According to a recent study that appeared in the Daily Mail, 43 percent of women admit to regularly sleeping with an ex while searching for someone new. The common reasons for having sex with one’s were listed as:
- “Missed physical intimacy.”
- “Wanted to re-start the relationship.”
- “Things went too far after too much to drink.”
- “Bumped into each other on a night out and ‘it seemed like a good idea.”
As with all matters relating to sex between two consenting adults, my personal opinion is that, it’s not so much about sex but one’s intentions and expectations for having sex in the first place that makes having sex with one’s ex a walk down memory lane or a big mistake.
Ignoring the reasons that the relationship ended, and thinking that sex will make it all okay again is setting oneself up for more disappointment and more heartache.
My advice to my clients and also in my eBook is, keep the two separate.
If you are so tempted to walk down memory lane, make sure that it’s just about sex– for good ol’ time’s sake! No strings or expectations attached.
Sex alone will not necessarily get you back together. Sex alone will not fix the relationship, is some cases it may actually create another hurdle to overcome in the process of trying to get back your ex. But in others, it may accelerate the process of getting back together.
Keeping the two separate allows you to pursue the emotional aspect of getting back together without letting sex get in the way. This requires a lot of emotional and sexual maturity on both sides. This is one of the reasons why I can’t emphasize self-inner work enough. Not everybody is emotionally and sexually mature enough to compartmentalize in a healthy way.
All the programs, tricks, tactics, strategies, contemplation, meditation, reflection etc. in the world mean nothing if you have beliefs, insecurities, triggers and baggage that that need work. I have seen men and women with a very good chance of attracting back their ex struggle to make progress because they keep getting in their own way; and some can’t even see they are their own worst enemy.
Bottom line, despite all the negativity from people who can’t stand their exes for a number of reasons , sex with an ex isn’t automatically a bad thing, as long as you are emotionally and sexually mature about it. Men and women who keep things in perspective and understand the risks involved often do not live with regret and guilt when things don’t turn out the way they had hoped or expected.
Those that sleep with their ex thinking that sex will automatically fix everything end up feeling like a used car — and sometimes the sex wasn’t even great!
If you still haven’t accepted the breakup and still trying to undo the break-up or recover the old relationship, it’s probably a good idea to keep your pants on around your ex!