Sex Addiction Or High Sex Drive?

While there really is no excuse for infidelity, the growing trend of labeling every man (or woman) who has a sexual libido that is higher than what society has decided is “normal” a sex addict is is troubling. Without even knowing a person’s psychological or medical condition, we conclude that the only reason any man — any man at all — could possibly be able to have sex with 13 women and counting is because he is out of control and powerless to stop the compulsive behavior.

What if Tiger was just being Tiger? Tiger doing what men with a high sex drive have been doing from time unknown and men will be doing it till kingdom come. The only difference is that once upon a time (and still is in many cultures all over the world) men took more than one wife, had multiple relationships with mistresses and a series of one-night-stands with prostitutes.

These days, they just do it with plastic – anyway it comes – even in a form of a waitress.  Those who can’t afford the real plastic barbie (sorry, porn star), jerk off with a computer. And the more “shy” ones do it in the bathroom looking at their own image in the mirror.

Obsession? Addiction? Or just high sex drive?

And who decides how many times is too many times already? Without talking to the person, how do we even come to the conclusion that the need to have sex is unmanageable or that the person is experiencing tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing? Are we there watching the person having sex to decide he/she doesn’t enjoy it but just doing it to temporarily self-medicate in an effort to alleviate stress, emotional or psychological pain?

Have we as a society become so afraid of our sexual urges that anyone who is capable of having sex with 13 women and counting is automatically considered “sick?”

PS: This is not an endorsement of what Tiger Woods did. Hardly. No one is responsible for Tiger’s actions except for Tiger. Tiger messed up when he took those marriage vows and broke them. No doubt he is paying for more than the price for it. This is simply being real with ourselves and the lies about sex we as a society live.

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48 Comments

    • Brilliant comeback, Tracey. Whenever a guy says “men want more sex than women” I hear, “I’ve never been able to make a woman want to have sex with me all the time”… Instead of just coming out straight and admitting that they lack the “tool”, skill and drive, most men hide behind generalizations.

      From what many women say, “wanting more sex” has a lot to do with the man one has sex with. If only more men took the time to learn HOW IT’S REALLY DONE… instead of fumbling around like virgin adolescents… more women would want more sex!

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  • “Cheating” is a problem because some people insist on treating others as private property. I could never be anyone’s “property” nor do I expect anyone to be mine.

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  • Though men have always had a worse reputation for cheating, women have always been cheating and over the past 20 years the number of women cheating has risen dramatically because of women working outside the home and also having monetary independence. The biggest difference is that women behave very differently from men when they cheat and are much better at keeping their affairs secret. Men like to brag about it and tend to take bigger risks. Women on the other had are much more careful and don’t let the affair interfere with the rest of their lives.

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  • Ms. Akiteng, I read in your profile that you do not think people should live their lives in a religious way. This article just goes to prove that what you are teaching is from the devil. I suspect that you are a liberal and believe that people should do as they wish. Using comparison with other cultures, is another way of sanctioning sin. Those people from the cultures you quote are cursed and prove of that is how God unleashed suffering and poverty on them. Our American culture has it’s values in the Bible which you refuse to quote here. The Bible says there is only one true culture, the Christian culture. My advice is that you repent and turn away from what you are teaching and you’ll secure a place in heaven.

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    • I respect your views but you’ve made several erroneous judgements about me.

      1) That I’m a liberal. Many of my views may fit in with those of liberals (whatever that means) but that’s because they are MY views not liberal views. Liberal to me is a political label and if you knew me, I’m as apolitical as they come!

      2) That I’m an American. I’m actually AFRICAN and not African-American — and that means I’m from another culture, other than American.

      3) That I want to go to heaven. I’m a strong believer in Jesus Christ but based on some of the words and behaviours I’ve seen from the majority of heaven-bound citizens, I don’t think I’ll like heaven at all. Hell looks like a better option. So don’t worry about me, I’m at peace… (:

      As for the suffering and poverty in those “other” cultures… sure, they may not have a lot in terms of material stuff… but at least they’re sure of all the things they got — each other. I’ve tasted both worlds, and what they have is a lot, a lot MORE…

      I still love you as fellow human being, whether you love me or not! I believe that’s what JESUS stood for… (:

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  • Who says I want to go to heaven? LOL. Best comeback ever! I’m a liberal and appreciate the fact that this is one blog where someone is not telling me how I should live my life. Heaven or no heaven there is something arrogant about people who think it’s their place to go around telling others that they should imitate how they live their lives, which in most instances are no good or just plain miserable. Misery sure loves company.

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