Can You Attract Back Someone You Dated Briefly (Reconnect?)

Question: In your experience, can you reconnect with someone you dated briefly? I think things moved too quicky and he got scared.

We had a brief 2-month relationship. Things moved too quickly and passionately. From day one, we were texting all day and spent nights together 5 days a week. We had hard an amazing weekend together. Towards the end of the weekend, he ended it. He said he liked me, but he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I tried to tell him neither was I, but it he had made up his mind to break-up. I played it cool and left. Next day he texted me asking how I was. We stayed in contact here and there but eventually we lost contact.

I would like to reach out and try reconnecting with him. Even though we dated briefly, I honestly don’t think there was anything wrong with us. Things moved too quicky and he felt scared. Do you think it’s possible to reconnect with someone you dated briefly?

Yangki’s Answer: Reconnecting with someone you dated briefly is possible, especially if things moved too quicky and they got scared.

In my experience, most people end a relationship with someone they’ve been dating for a very short period of time because: They saw something, heard something, thought or felt something. It made them make a pre-mature decision about the future of the relationship. The decision is based on limited information. They really don’t know you enough to make an informed decision.

They are not going to change their mind about you (more like who they think you are) if there is no opportunity for them to get to know you more.

Reach out and see if he is open to reconnecting. Don’t say you want to try things again until you see how he responds. If he responds positively, start by hanging out and getting to know each other in the way you were not able to because things ended too quickly. Make sure that you do not repeat the same mistakes of allowing things to move too quickly.

The approach you use to attract back someone you dated briefly (and weren’t in a relationship with) is different from one you use to attract back someone you were in a “relationship” with.

If you approach things from the “get your ex back” perspective, you will get a lot of unnecessary resistance because the other person does not consider themselves “an ex”, and may feel pressured to act like an ex.

They may not understand why you are saying the things you are saying, or doing what you are doing to attract back an ex because in reality there was never a break-up to begin with.  Any move you try to “get them back”, only makes them pull away even further.

If you feel that your relationship ended too quickly, and you weren’t given a fair chance because your ex prematurely decided that you were not compatible, or that the relationship wasn’t working after only a few weeks or months of dating, I’m happy to work with you one-on-one to assess your chances, and guide you through the delicate nuances of Break-Up vs. A Bad Start.


20 Common Reasons Why Your Ex Is Contacting And Texting You

10 Signs Your Ex Is Becoming Interested Again

How to Get Back Your Ex With Pressure Free Contact

10 CLEAR SIGNS Your Ex Is NOT Coming Back (Any Time Soon)

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  1. says: Lara

    Yangki, thank you. We had a relationship of 7mnths wich was great but ended 7 weeks ago because of stress and huge decisions. He said he still loved me and part of him wanted to stay in the relationship but he needed time en space for himself to get his life together again. After reading a book of an “expert” I started NC. Bad decision. I found your book and now we are talking again, but not on emotional level yet. Can I follow your book or better an other plan to reinforce our connection again?

    1. says: Yangki Akiteng

      I don’t understand what you mean by “better an other plan to reinforce our connection again?”

      As for following my book, that’s a decision only you can make.

  2. says: Julia

    I found this really helpful. My 4 month relationship was the best I have ever had. But I pushed him away with asking how he felt about me. He eventually said he didnt feel that he loved me. He tried but the feeling never came. We havent spoke in a bout a month. Is there a possibility to get him back?

    1. says: Yangki Akiteng

      If there is even a possibility, it’s probably too low because he never fell in love with you in the first place. Since he already tried feeling something and didn’t, it’s very likely that he’s convinced that those feelings will never come. It’d have been different if he felt he didn’t try, or didn’t try hard enough. Then may be he’d want to give it a another chance.

      That said, if he’s still open to communicating with you, and you can show him that things can be different, you might have a chance. It’s always better to err on the side of trying than give up before you even try. That way you’ll know for sure.

  3. says: Stephen

    I was in a short term relationship approx 4 months and we were an amazing together. We spent pretty much every day with each other. She ended it because I was apparently “too needy”. I thought of doing no contact to give her space, but after reading your articles about no contact, I sent her a text acknowledging that I crowded her space and that I was sorry. I explained to her that this was my first real relationship after being married for 18 years. The next day she sent me a text saying she understood. She said I was a great guy but that I needed to find a life outside of her. I thanked her and again apologized. She sent a text back asking if wanted to go out to dinner sometime. We made arrangements to go out to dinner this Friday.

    We have had a couple of pleasant phone conversations. I think she still cares about me and this is probably a case of a bad start. Were both in our late 40s. What is your opinion about the whole situation? Do you think there is hope? Btw, great advice, only one that made sense to someone my age.

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      I agree that this is a case of a bad start. Normally I’d say it’s too early to tell if there is hope or not… but she asked you out for dinner in the very first exchange! That’s HUGE.

      You have a second chance at making this work, just make sure you don’t step over to the needy side again… (:

  4. says: Erla

    Thank you for explaining the difference. Mine is definitely a bad start. We dated for 6 months and during that time broke up twice, both time he said things were going too fast for him and we needed a break. 3 weeks ago, he again broke it off saying his life is right now complicated and he can’t be with me the way I want him to. I know he is going through stuff with divorce and moving out etc, and I guess right now all I can do is accept that he does not have time for a relationship. Do you think it’s okay that we still have sex?

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      Yes, looks like a bad start alright. You may have needed more from him than he was able to give you at the time, which is what being needy is about.

      As for having sex with him, that’s a decision only you can make. Your body, your decision, I am ultra liberal like that… 🙂

      What I mean is, it’s not my place to tell grown adults how to run their sex lives. What I do know as a coach is that sex with your ex can sometimes hurt your chances, but it can also sometimes do no harm to your chances, especially if you understand that having sex does not mean you are in a relationship or that you will get back together.

      This explains it more:

      Does Sex With Your Ex Hurt Your Chances?

      Does Sex too Soon Ruin A Relationship

  5. says: Rosemary

    Hi Yangki, I’m trying to show my ex that I have changed but he says I can never change and also he does not think we’re right for each other. We were together for 5 months. He was first to say I love you and also one who asked to be exclusive. After I acted needy because he didn’t respond to my texts he started acting distant. He broke up with me saying he needed space. I didn’t contact him for 6 weeks. Last week I contacted him and asked him to see me so we can talk. We met and talked but he wants to move on. I don’t want to give up if there is still hope but I don’t know how to fix it.

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki C. Akiteng

      Situations like yours are unfortunately too common. After the honeymoon period, we all start to reevaluate the relationship, and if a red flag goes off at the time we’re reevaluating things, it makes us see the relationship more negatively.

      Showing him that you can change is possible if he’s still open to contact. Showing him that you are right for each other (in my experience) is much harder. If you like, we can talk by phone so I understand why he thinks you are not right for each other, and if there is a way to make the relationship work.

  6. says: Anna

    We met online and were together for 3 months. It was awesome and we were really into each other. The breakup happened because we were supposed to go out Friday night and he was no show. I confronted him about it and he got mad that I was angry about it. He said he needed space and I said ok. Its been about 7 weeks since and I haven’t contacted him, I haven’t heard from him either. I’m wondering if too much time has passed to try to reestablish contact.

    1. I don’t think there is a cut off time for when to try to re-establish contact. My general experience has been that the longer you stay out of contact, the less chances that the other person will want to re-establish contact. The chances for very short term relationships are even lower.

      Unfortunately, I do not have the crystal ball and can’t tell you for sure what will happen. If you feel like reaching out, I think that you should. He may or may not respond or want contact, but you’ll never know if you don’t try to find out.

  7. says: Holis

    I met my ex 1.5 years ago when he was finalizing his divorce. This was my first time dating someone who was still married. Things were great until after the divorce finalized. He became distant and sad most of the time. I tried to be supportive but after a while I became resentful and ended it. We recently reconnected after a year of no contact. He says he felt overwhelmed and scared of the new life ahead of him and lost sight of us. I told him I want to take things slow but every now and then, I keep asking myself if it was us or if it was the divorce. We were together for only 6 months.

    1. It’s normal to have the feelings you have. 6 months is not enough time to know someone really well. If you still have feelings for him, give yourself a chance for find out if it was really about the divorce or something else.

      It’ll help to pay attention to some of the reasons he gives for his marriage ending… unfortunately many people tend to repeat their habits.

  8. says: Sayia

    Everything you said in your post is the same situation Iam going through. We went out for 4 months and everything was really great. We talked about the future, where we would live and how many children we wanted etc. That’s why the breakup came as a complete shock to me. He says I’m an amazing woman but he feels that we need to take a break for a few weeks. I asked him if we would still contact each other and he said we will and we can also still go out but he’s not ready to be in a relationship right how.

    1. 4 months (at least for most people) is too soon to be talking about where to live and how many children to have. This is usually still the honeymoon period, and I’m almost sure you hadn’t even had you first major fight yet.

      The fact that he does not want things to change very much seems to suggest that what he’s not ready for is not “a relationship” per se, but a “serious” relationship.

      Stay in contact and hangout for a while and see how things play out.

  9. says: Monic

    Ex and I dated for 5 months then broke up because we were both unhappy and it didn’t make sense to continue the relationship. We both accepted it was over and started dating other people. I ended up with a guy who turned up to be verbally abusive and the relationship ended after 8 months. My ex was already in a committed relationship and engaged. We started secretly communicating and realized we still had feelings for each other and made a mistake giving us up too early in the relationship. We’ve been together for 4 years now.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope what others can learn from it is that just because a relationship doesn’t work out doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with the other person (or you for that matter). Sometimes things just don’t work out.

      If you had, like most people, been focused on he’s this or that and that’s why the relationship didn’t work out, you’d probably still blaming the break-up on each other’s “issues”.

  10. says: Sharon

    Yangki, I think that if the relationship meant a lot to both people, its easier to stay in contact and try to talk things through. In my case, we dated for only 5 months and it was very apparent to both of us that it wasn’t going to work out in the long run. We told each other we’d stay in contact but that fizzled out on is own after only a couple of weeks. There really wasn’t much to hold us together.

    1. You are right. How much the relationship meant to both people makes a difference.

      But sometimes the relationship can even mean a lot to both people, but just like all things in life, it runs it’s natural course and dies naturally. Just because things fizzle out doesn’t mean that the relationship didn’t mean a lot to both people.

  11. says: Fran

    Dear Yangki, I now know what made him not want to be in a relationship with me. Only it is going to be a long journey of hard work to better myself in areas that I lacked in, dare I say, years. I don’t intend to try to attract him back until then. Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeless about the situation because of this.

  12. says: Neil

    I can relate to Sarah. Not making my relationship work because I was too selfish is the biggest mistake I have ever made. Sometimes I think it’s for the best, what happened happened for a reason and probably for the best. But I have not stopped loving her.

  13. says: Bret

    The best advice I got about relationships is that they suck until you get yourself right and deal with your own personal stuff!

  14. says: Sarah

    Yangki, another the reason advice sometimes does not work is because one or both sides give up on the relationship. We were together 3 years but failed at communication. We are both very sensitive people and always worried about hurting the other’s feelings. We only found out that we both had things about the other that kept bothering us, but for him it was too late to try to save the relationship. I tried very hard to but realized that I had hurt him too much. We still talk once in a while but agree that it’s best to remain good friends.

    1. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. Take the lessons from this experience and learn from it. You also still have each other as friends, that’s a great thing… and who know what the future may bring. Please, please, I’m not trying to raise false hope here. I’m just stating that you just never know. Love has it’s reasons that even reason itself does not know.

  15. says: Jake

    Yangki, I really love your advice and how are you are trying to provide tools for men and women to get along and be happy together. I spend quite a bit of time reading articles and comments by both side, and wonder if there is ever any possibility for this happening. It seems to me that too many men hate women and too many women hate men.

    1. I’m sure you are not talking about articles and comments on this blog, because we don’t welcome haters on either side here….(:

      Like you, I like to read what others are saying on other sites and blogs, and I too have wondered about it sometimes. Fortunately for me, because I work with real people in the real world, I have real life evidence to show that men and women do get along and can be happy together. It’s not only possible, it is happening.

      I have come to the conclusion that most men and women who come on the internet to post articles and comments about how the other gender is this or that are 1) lonely people who wish they were in a loving relationship or 2) frustrated because they can’t have what they deep inside long for.

      Instead of looking inside and facing up to their own shortcomings, it’s easier to demonize a whole gender.

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