Question: I’ve been a silent reader of your blog for couple of months and have re-read many of your articles multiple times. My story is long, but I’ll try to make it short. I broke up with my ex- 6 months ago. I did no contact for only 3 days. It made no sense because the breakup was mostly my fault in that I became too needy and clingy. He said that he didn’t feel anything for me anymore and split up with me. We have been in contact mostly me initiating it. Today I picked the courage to ask him for coffee and he agreed to meet up when he gets back in town on Friday. I’m just worried that maybe I moved too fast and should have waited until he started initiating contact to ask him out. What do you think?
Yangki’s Answer: It would have been better to wait a little longer, but hindsight is 20/20. What’s important is that you had the courage to ask him out and he agreed. Instead of worrying about what you can’t undo, focus more on what you can do to make the best of this opportunity.
Most exes dread the first face-to-face meeting. They don’t know what to expect, and most think you are going to ask them to get back together and are ready with a response. Take the pressure off by keeping things on the light and fun side.
That means no talk about getting back together, and do not talk about the old relationship. Your only objective at this point should be to make this meeting as relaxed and fun as possible, so that he wants to see you again.
If you do the first face-to-face meeting right, things will pick up rapidly. He will see that there is nothing to be afraid of, become more engaged and will accept more meetups or dates.
If instead of having a relaxed time he feels pressured to get back together or commit to getting back together, you’ll see him pull away. He will respond to texts less, respond in short polite answers – and will turn down any requests to meet up.
Here’s an article that’ll help: 6 Tips On How To Act When You See Your Ex (A Great First Date)