Question: In your eBook you said to wait until things have warmed up with an ex before bringing up getting back together. However, in the past few weeks, before I bought your eBook, I asked my ex to get back together and she said she’s not ready for a relationship. She wants to be single and date for a while. I told her neither was I since I still had a lot of work to do on myself. Now I know I should not have said I was not ready to get back together after asking her to get back together. Fortunately, she’s still responding positively to all my contacts, thanks to your eBook. I’m thinking of just being truthful and tell her I want her back but that didn’t work well the first time. Should I tell her “I want us to have a fresh start?” What do you think?
Yangki’s Answer: It’d be nice to just say you want her back, but at this stage in the process it might just alienate her further since she’s said she’s not in a position to get back into the relationship.
She has to believe that things will be better. This is what your contacts need to be about. Whenever you can, steer the conversation towards a different and better future. You don’t have to directly include your ex in that future, instead show her how you’ve changed by not repeating the behaviours that caused problems (and the break-up) and by being better as a person and as a partner. If she doesn’t see herself in a better relationship, she won’t want what you’re offering.
As you can see it doesn’t happen over night, the point is to recognize what needs to be done, to start doing it and keep doing it until you start to see results. If you handle this right, it won’t be long before you see changes in your ex’s attitude towards you.
A word of caution here for others reading this response. I don’t want to sugar coat this and make it look like it’ll work for everybody. Your ex has to want to communicate with you in the first place – even if he or she is not sure or ready to get back with you, right away. Just willingness to communicate is all the opportunity you need to start warming things up.