Question: My ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago because he needed space. I did no contact but after reading your articles, I contacted him and told him I wanted us to stay in contact. He said he wants it too but was afraid that I will not respect his need for space. I told him I was working with a Therapist so I was not needy. He seemed happy about that and even said he is not the type to give up on someone he really cares about. Things were good for almost a month, but I became needy again and he said we needed to limit contact because he needed to miss me. He also started taking time to respond and sometimes not respond at all. I think because I acted needy again he suddenly feels differently about me. Is it me just me over-analyzing this?
Yangki’s Answer: I do not think you are over-analyzing things and even if you are, I do not think you are off the mark.
His biggest fear about staying in contact was that you would become needy again. When you said you were working with a Therapist he was hopeful that things would be different, and they were for a month. After you became needy again, you confirmed to him that things were not different.
That’s the easy part to analyze. The hard part is if or not he’s feeling differently about you now.
One possibility is that he’s lost hope that you can ever change and politely withdrawing. The other is that he’s trying to force contact to be at the level he is comfortable with by not responding immediately. He knows that if he responds immediately, you will respond immediately too, and before long you are overwhelming him with texts again.
There are many articles here about contact that is not needy, use them to find that comfortable place for both of you. Also continue working with your therapist on whatever is causing you to be so needy that someone you want to be with feels that he needs space away from you.